Santa Monica College

Santa Monica College was literaly an extension of my high school. Nearly all of my friends began thier college careers by attending SMC and most transferred to a four year university. I attended in the 1980's on a part-time basis. My brothers and sister also went to school here. Although I also attended Trade Tech, Mt. San Antonio, and LACC, Sata Monica College was my very favorite. Only Mt. Sac could hold a candle to it. Santa Monica College and the California Community College system in general are a land of second chances. In many countries, you are what you is and it is nearly impossible to continue anything other than trade school once you have flunked certain exams. I applaud their liberal and compassionate admissions policies. The faculty here are the most qualified that I have seen at any two year college. Many of them were also teaching at UCLA. The level of coursework is more challenging than Trade-Tech and some other colleges. Essentially, the workload for the classes that I took at SMC were similar to my undergrad classes at Cal Poly Pomona. You will need to pay attention, study, and if you do not, they will not hesitate to fail you. Some of my teachers went above and beyond the call of their job descriptions and really pointed me in the right direction. Socially, SMC was a lifesaver for me. Immediately after enroling, I made a ton of friends here. People were far more approachable and exhibited less gang behavior than the kids in high school. It made for a lot of good times. I saw Courtney Love's bush when Hole played here in the late 1980's. I also saw MDC and the Adolescents play on campus. I still know people from my Speech 101 class and that was a long time ago. The price is right! Why anyone would attend a private vocational school when they can attend SMC for peanuts is beyond me. When I read that some yellow-bellied, lilly-livered, chickenshit coward stormed in here and ruined so many lives, I was devastated. The fact that it took place at SMC where people are trying to improve themselves and stay out of trouble makes it exponentially more disturbing. While there is no emperical model that can predict who goes on a shooting rampage, you can't tell me that someone did not know how dangerous that little piece of shit was. I am mortified that person did nothing.

Merrell Shoes

The jury was out for a little while, but they have reached a verdict on the Trail Glove Grizzle. Guilty of sucking shit on all counts. Guilty of smelling like a durian. Guilty of pounding the fuck out of my poor feet. Guilty of making me feel like I got beaten on the soles with a two by four. Penalty enhancement for aggravated stench causing great bodily injury. If John Wayne were still alive, he would kill these shoes in one minute, or see them hang in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience.

Roma Italian Deli and Grocery

This place had been on my radar for quite some time but whenever I am in Altadena, the place is either closed or I am with my wife who professes to be a vegan. I walked up to the counter and asked for a sandwich. The kind man slicing the cheese pointed to a pile of freshly made sandwiches in butcher paper and said "these ones here, I make 400 of them a day." When I asked what kind they were, he said they have everything. I was sold from the moment I saw the pink butcher paper dripping with olive oil. I ate both magnificent sandwiches in the car in the parking lot. They were subtly delicious. Not drowned in mayo or some other foul-tasting sauce, not covered with vegetables, no pickles or peppers. Just a wonderful piece of bread, delicious salami, mortadella, and a little sharp provolone. The bread was a perfect showcase for these perfect slices of cured pork. I thought how sad it is that many people actually believe that Subway is what a sandwich is supposed to taste like. Better give them a real sandwich from this place for Christmas!

Los Angeles County District Attorney

The District Attorney prosecutes felonies throughout the County and misdemeanor cases in un-incorporated areas of Los Angeles County. They do not help baby's mamas collect support any longer. Our very first District Attorney was named Will Ferrell and the last one was a raging alcoholic with the complexion of an orange peel by the name of Steve Cooley. I would like to give Jackie Lacey the benefit of the doubt, but you have to acknowledge that she came up in this terrible organization. Any African American who works for the District Attorney is a motherfucking tom. I started paying attention to this office when Ira Reiner was at the helm trying to make headlines with the sensational (bogus) Mc Martin Pre School case in the 80's. Fast forward to Garcetti losing the OJ trial. At around this time, I gained access to a constantly changing treasure trove of official documents that have given me a unique perspective on this office. The names Van de Kaamp and Philbosian sound vaguely familiar. I have noticed that the attorneys that work here have some serious ethical shortcomings. It is the policy of this office to withhold exculpatory evidence from criminal defendants and it is condoned and encouraged at the management level. Lacey seems to have acknowledged this from the outset. I commend her for it but it is too little, too late. The Public has already lost faith. Forgery and perjury are the order of the day. Many of the deputies are the type of people who would trample over your body in a disaster to save their own skin. When the largest open air drug market in town is located adjacent to Parker Center and with the tally of murders in Los Angeles currently at 355 (as of 8/5/12), it is clear there is a crime problem. Much attention is focused on corruption in the LAPD and the LASD but most of their employees are clearly decent individuals who do a decent job. The DA's office is permeated with a culture of filth like the Catholic Church is permeated with pederasts.

Hayat's Kitchen

The kitchen here puts out some perfect meza that really stands out in an area saturated with Lebanese and Armenian places. From the moment that they set the pickled turnips, cucumbers and olives on the table to the time they served the complimentary baklava, everything we tasted was of the highest quality, made with the freshest ingredients, and seasoned so perfectly that I would not dream of adding a single thing. And when you eat this food, I promise you that you will not feel poisoned and bloated afterwords. If the old adage you are what you eat is true, I would rather be a plate of meza than one of those cows sitting in the Harris Ranch feed lot off the 5FWY. The vegetarian combination was a very generous platter of the usual suspects like falafel, baba ganoush, taboulleh, dolma. and hummus but all of these dishes were outstanding on their own. The falafel here is particularly delicious, crispy and redolent with extra cumin. The baba smokey, creamy, and tart simultaneously was very memorable. I very much liked the taboulleh, as well. We also ordered a fresh and simple cabbage salad that was spot on as well. The mousaka was more subtle than the version that I am accustomed to and contained a fair amount of garbanzo beans. This delicately flavored dish is just awesome. The fries with garlic, cilantro, dipped in garlic sauce and ketchup are what garlic fries at most places only dream of being. Of course the fries are hand cut and served sizzling hot the way god intended them to be served. There is enough garlic on top even for a Thai person or a Mexican to be more than happy. The server made both of us feel welcome, and was very attentive without being cloying. The two pieces of buttery baklava they gave us kicked ass. My wife wanted to take some home, but I told her not to bother because I know we will be coming back very soon.

Mormon Underwear

This morning, I went for a run in Griffith Park and during my descent, I encountered a group of 400 Mormons in the picnic area near Ferndale. They were all preparing to remove litter from our beloved park. It was really touching to me. Bless them. I don't see too many other groups of any kind organizing to clean the pizza boxes, cigarette butts, plastic bottles and dog shit off these magnificent trails in this oasis from the boobery of Los Angeles proper. But in addition to giving a helping hand to a park in need, I can attest that the Mormon neighbors that I have had were all stand up people. This country was founded by three groups of people: convicts, religious malcontents, and people who had pretty much burned things out in their countries of origin or enslaved by them. Every time I hear someone say something negative about Romney and or the Mormons, may I remind you that the talking snake in Genesis is equally strange as anything that the Mormons or any other religious group believes. Don't call the kettle black. Also, it may do you some good to abstain from alcohol periodically. And tobacco. And it might also be a good idea to have some real family time. Maybe you too could set aside some time with your wives and have a rad four-way. And maybe your church, temple or mosque could go clean up our park once in a while.

Self Realization Fellowship

This is a beautiful place that welcomes all free of charge. You can walk around the lake and stop at shrines dedicated to the great religions of the world. You can feed the giant koi and enjoy the flowers if prayer, pederasty, chanting, compassion, Wahabbism or immaculate conception are not your thing. My 6th grade teacher Sally Lew took our class on a field trip here about fifty years ago and this was one of the first places I drove to when I got my license. My great friend Tracy and her awesome husband were married here a decade ago. My fondest wish and desire would be to demolish all the buildings in the Santa Monica Mountains except this one. The mountains are sacred, and this place conforms to the uniform sacred code. Bring some lunch here for a picnic you will never forget. People thought this was: