The Salvadorean Contribution to World Cuisine

I bet a lot of people go to eat at Salvadorean Restaurants because they may sound exotic. Sadly, the Salvadorean contribution to world cuisine, the pupusa, is a tasteless hockey puck of griddle cooked masa with cheese and pork skin that could easily be used to fill a pothole. A good pupusa is not even as good as a bad homemade tortilla! I have been to El Salvador previously, and if you are at Playa La Libertad ordering fish and lobster fresh out of the water and washing it down with cold Supremas, you are eating the very best food available in this little country. The comida tipica, which you will get at El Migueleno and most other Salvadorean restaurants however, is terribly bland and disappointing. A typical Salvadorean meal consists of lard fried plantains, refried black beans, cream, pupusas, curtido and some Pollo Campero if you are lucky. It is a nice meal, I suppose, if you have to fuel up for the day. I could go on and on about how bad the food is, and how bad it is in most of Central America in general, but at least the beer is cold and the people are wonderful.

Finally, while I jest about Salvadorean food, I feel that the people of El Salvador are fantastic and courageous and feel that Los Angeles is lucky that so many people from El Salvador have come here over the years. Overwhelmingly, the Salvadorean people that I have met are friendly, hard working, resilient, tolerant, and gracious. They are also very brave and have overcome civil war which testifies to that courage. I have visited El Salvador, and can attest that the places that I went were unforgettable. I reject any talk of racism towards my Salvadorean brothers and sisters and I am only poking gentle fun at the pupusa.

Polygamist Pussy and Picking the Park Clean

This morning, I went for a run in Griffith Park and during my descent, I encountered a group of 400 Mormons in the picnic area near Ferndale. They were all preparing to remove litter from our beloved park. It was really touching to me. Bless them. I don't see too many other groups of any kind organizing to clean the pizza boxes, cigarette butts, plastic bottles and dog shit off these magnificent trails in this oasis from the boobery of Los Angeles proper. But in addition to giving a helping hand to a park in need, I can attest that the Mormon neighbors that I have had were all stand up people. This country was founded by three groups of people: convicts, religious malcontents, and people who had pretty much burned things out in their countries of origin or enslaved by them. Every time I hear someone say something negative about Romney and or the Mormons, may I remind you that the talking snake in Genesis is equally strange as anything that the Mormons or any other religious group believes. Don't call the kettle black. Also, it may do you some good to abstain from alcohol periodically. And tobacco. And it might also be a good idea to have some real family time. Maybe you too could set aside some time with your wives and have a rad four-way. And maybe your church, temple or mosque could go clean up our park once in a while.

Fuck Pfizer

Pfizer manufactures substances which: 1) are not safe for human consumption 2) make tens of thousands of people choke on their own vomit 3) cause physical dependency 4) cause mental anguish 5) get the full approval of the Federal Government 6) generate hundreds of millions of dollars in profits annually

This review is specifically for Xanax. While most people that take them will not develop a full blown addiction, others may quickly become zombies and eventually overdose. Most Xanax addicts are poly drug abusers, but Xanax is by far the most insidious drug in their routine. Want to stop? Good luck. Do you want to spin the roulette wheel?

This week, another close friend lost her life and I am confident that the Coroner will determine that Xanax was the cause of her death. She probably got her first prescription back in the early 90's. Within a couple of years, her anxiety persisted, the bizarre behavior increased, there were brushes with the law, attempts to dry out, and was always back to taking huge quantities of these pills. Being one of the 10 most popular prescription drugs in the US, it is not a difficult task to get almost any doctor to write you a prescription. She enlisted a lot of unsuspecting doctors in three different counties to get a lot of pills. It was easy and cheap, and ultimately deadly. And her insurance company paid for it all. I want to reiterate that it never worked for anxiety at all but it was the proximate cause of death of a unique person, one who a lot of people cared about, who we have lost forever.

If you have anxiety or lack happiness in life, a pill is ultimately not going to help you. Xanax has no medical value whatsoever, and Pfizer knows this. But hey, it sure is profitable. As long as everyone is getting their beak wet, they are going to continue to manufacture this poison.

Z Plane, Boss; Peacocks, Peacunts, and Flowers

Oh boy, do I love the Arboretum. Sunset Magazine has some of its test gardens here, and while lately it seems paper thin, I still enjoy reading the articles and it makes me proud to be from the West. The greenhouses here are awesome, as are the succulents, roses, and the landscape architecture in general. Flowers sing to me. Especially while shrooming. Their petals, pistils, and stamen overwhelm my brain and then my body with waves of happiness and tranquility. The greenhouses with the tropical plants with the necessary temperature and humidity controlled environment is one of my very favorite places to while away the hours.

The fountains at the entrance are serene even when it is hot enough outside to cook an egg on the sidewalk. Fantasy Island, a coke-fueled B television series from the 1970's had its opening scene filmed here. Despite starring as Mr. Roark in an absurd TV show, and a villain on Star Trek, Ricardo Montalban attended our church, The Church of the Good Shepherd, and was a very decent gentleman. He always had time to greet me and extend his hand in genuine friendship. I think what happened to Herve Villechaize is terribly sad. The only midget I know is this little asshole named Leroy. If I weren't such a high class motherfucker I would punt him like a goddamn football.

The peacocks are dazzling, and your kids are going to love them unless they are wankers or videogame addicted shitasses. In the Spring, there is an insect exhibition where all kinds of specimens are on display. If insects and their relationship to human society fascinate you, then you should not miss this show. There is a small admission charge, and there are plants on sale at very reasonable prices.

Fuck you and your Casita Mexicana. Best Mexican restaurant in town my hairy bean bag.

I came down here the other day and was waiting to get a table. My wife noticed my aunt eating lunch there. She worked for Aeromexico for many years and is from Chiapas, so I took it as a good sign that she was eating here. I exchanged formalities with her, and eagerly awaited the menu. Out of all people, my aunt Dorita would know good Mexican food. In a nutshell, the food was quite disappointing. Don't get me wrong, this place is tasty, but not exactly the holy grail, especially if:

1) You happen to be Mexican and someone in your family is a good cook. 2) You are married to a Mexican whose family cooks well. 3) You know someone who is Mexican and is a good home cook and they had you over 4) You have traveled in Mexico and eaten a lot of good food (both street and restaurant food).

The ingredients and the overall quality of this place are much higher than let's say 90% of Mexican places in the county, but it is by no means the #1 best. I read some article in LA Magazine, I think it was, that rated this place #1 in LA. No way, assholes.

I had the cecina, chorizo, and asada combination plate with beans, rice, and a bit of cactus salad. I enjoyed it, but the meat was a little cold. The melted queso appetizer was good, but consisted of queso de Oaxaca with a bit of chorizo in there. Nice for folding up into a tortilla, but you can put something like this together for a couple of bucks at home. Homemade tortillas here rock but they would rock if you ate them on the moon. The salsa? Competent and hot. The chips with moles served to you at the outset were my favorite part of the entire meal. My wife got the mole combination. Nice depth in all of the moles, but Guelaguetza is a couple of blocks from me and significantly better in the mole department.

I bet that fat ass Rizzo and all of his cronies used to eat here before they were humbled by scandal. I could just imagine him stuffing chips topped with mole in his greedy mouth and paying for it with a city credit card while the owners preen around.

The place serves good but not great homemade Mexican food but there is no way in the Wide World of Sports that I would go out of my way to eat here again.

Little Sis

Located directly across the street from the most sinister fucking clown you will ever see in your life lies this little gem of an Armenian bakery. The lahmajune here tastes like it was made by the hands of god. I got some of these and ate the first one literally seconds after it came from the massive oven. The dough is so wonderfully light and perfectly cooked, it could bring a tear to your eye. It reminded me of my grandmother's homemade flour tortillas crossed with the dough at Pizza Mozza. The meat and tomato mixture spread on top is well seasoned and has a pretty nice garlic kick to it without being overpowering. My original plan was to take them home but I ended up eating three of them in the car in the parking lot and another on the freeway. They are only 90 cents each. I could just picture getting high and eating thirty or fifty of these treats. We got some other stuff, and I had the chance to briefly talk to the kind and helpful lady behind the counter. She showed me the egg and cheese concoction baked to order on top of some delicious looking dough. Although I don't get over the hill to often, it is places like this that make Greater Los Angeles great.

Mac Arthur Park - Home of the Giant $20.00 Rock

Yesterday, I ordered the legendary #19 at Langer's and opted to walk back to Koreatown instead of using public transportation. I headed up Alvarado, and then West on Wilshire. Over the course of my walk, I was overwhelmed with a sudden deluge of memories from my childhood. As I looked at the dilapidated roof of what used to be the boathouse, I remembered fondly how in the early 1970's my dad used to take me and my brothers here to rent paddle boats. I remembered the other business like Edwards Steakhouse, and the Westlake Theater before it was converted into a filthy and depressing indoor swapmeet. I vividly remember when the American Cement Building was occupied with a public relations firm instead of assorted loft owners that are too terrified to even take their dogs outside to shit and will not even walk over to the subway. Well, by that time, the area was already in a state of decline, but not even close to what was going to happen in the 80's. At one time, this had been a pretty highbrow area. The Park Plaza Hotel, The Bryson, Otis Parsons, and the former Sheraton Town House testify to the area's former glory. But it kind of reminds me today of Chernobyl.

Our family boat rides preceded rock cocaine, false documents, and U.S. military interventions in Guatemala, El Salvador, and Nicaragua. But when I walked by yesterday, I realized that the foundation of the park is still there. The palm trees still thrive and the lake could easily be restored to its former glory. It is a tragedy that children no longer can enjoy those magical paddle boats that once graced the lake. The area clearly offers one of the very best views of the Downtown Skyline and with a Metro Station and the largest concentration of apartments in any area west of the Mississippi. Massive public investment is sorely needed immediately here for urban renewal. The area has been ignored far too long.

Why the City of Los Angeles surrendered this park to the chickenshit criminals that occupy it today is incomprehensible to me. If I were the City Attorney, I would take my fat incompetent ass and focus on cleaning up this area instead of feebly attempting to seek higher office and jousting with medical marijuana dispensaries.