Jeff's Terrible Kosher Sausage Factory - An Oxymoron of a Restaurant

Jeff's sucks. It's reason for existence is for Jewish people to show their families that they really don't sneak pork when god is not watching. They can go to Jeff's to create a facade of minding their dietary restrictions. Monday through Friday, they are sneaking the sausage. Mark my word. The food here is the culinary equivalent of fake tits. Ultimately, it is expensive and disappointing. The chili on the fries is a real cross between foul and awful.

I had a kraut dog (competent), merguez (not bad but not memorable either) and chili fries (get the fucking rope). Five stars? Perhaps you should get out more often, you Kosher dumbass. For what you are going to spend here, you could easily eat real hotdogs and fries at Fab's and have some money left in your pocket. Even though Pink's has some mighty shitty hotdogs, they are leaps and bounds better than anything I have tasted here. If you are in this area, there are other Kosher places that serve far better food.

USC is a College Full of Twat Sucking Cunts but La Barca is Pretty Cool

La Barca is about the best of the mediocre Mexican spots in Los Angeles where you can order a predictable combo plate with several permutations of taco, enchilada, relleno, and tostada with rice and beans. It is overwhelmingly better than Barragan's, El Cholo, El Coyote, La Talpa, etc. but is neither authentic nor innovative or tasty. The owners and employees aim to please, and you will be pleased by the low prices and snappy service. The food is consistent, bland and predictable, but the enchiladas Suizas, fried chicken or beef taquitos, huevos rancheros, and nachos are made to order and not entirely without merit. There is something about La Barca that I really like but it is not the food. For ages, it was the single solitary place to eat and drink in the neighborhood, and the restaurant really succeeds in making people feel comfortable and have a good time. It is a place where public drunkenness is easily forgiven, and USC students, cops, robbers, and people from the neighborhood sit side by side eating and drinking at prices that will not break the bank.

By the way Trojans, your school sucks. Go Bruins!

A Good Experience at Santa Monica Ford

My 2004 Mercury Grand Marquis was giving me some trouble, and my colleague who teaches auto mechanics told me it was the converter, and that it might even be under warranty. I took the car to the Ford dealership on Beverly and Vermont, and was told by the head liar in their service department that it was probably not the converter, and that I would be required to pay $100.00 for a diagnostic. I voted with my feet, and went to Santa Monica Ford.

I was greeted by the porter who was friendly at the outset. Then, a guy named Tom Hum assisted me. He immediately told me that it sounded like the converter, and commented that it was still under warranty. I picked it up a day later at no charge. I was delighted that Mr. Hum did not try and take advantage of me or give me the run around. I wrote them a letter to express my thanks.

Brand Park Glendale, CA

Brand Park is situated in the Verdugo Mountains in the foothills of Glendale. For the hike to the top, start at the Green Cross statue of the lady and head straight up the hill towards the east radio towers for the easier side and up the fire road behind the doctor's house about a mile up past the landfill and then turn left when you get to the large sycamore tree for the steeper trail. The more challenging side also has a set of radio towers on top and ends at the top of Tongva Peak. It may help some people to wear cleats to get a better grip, but I have no problems using trail running shoes. Both sides are kind of steep and a good elevation gain, but are relatively short hikes. If you run down the fire road to the west of Tongva Peak, it will add a couple of miles to your run or hike (4.1 miles to the parking lot). At the halfway point of the east side, there are benches, and a nice view of Glendale, Burbank, Downtown, Silverlake, and the north side of Griffith Park. Pasadena, Tujunga and La Crescenta are visible when you get to the top and look over the other side. Things to take into account:

There is no shade

There are little gnats, flies and hornets so use DEET

There is no water

Like any hike, you can slip and fall and crack your head open and perish and the plants and animals don't care so just enjoy yourselves and don't take any unnecessary risks.

Superior views on clear days of the San Gabriel Mountains on one side, and the sprawl on the other

Rabbit, squirrel, coyote, and a bobcat or two.

A couple of nice oaks.

This park is filled with cool stuff in general. There is a branch of the Glendale public library and a Japanese tea house, but you probably knew that. The Brand Family graveyard is on the premises as well, and has a very cool pyramid tombstone. There is also a trail with waterfalls that you can access by walking up the asphalt road at the north end of the park, and hanging a left at the drainage ditch at the fork in the road. When you come to a pork in the road, take it.

This is a really good place to eat medicinal mushrooms and is super cool when it rains! The park closes at 10PM.

Bomb Bibm Bap

Jeon Ju 2716 W Olympic Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90006 (213) 386-5678

I have come back here a couple of times since my first visit and am impressed at all of the healthy lunches available at this place. You can come in here and eat a ton of clean, healthy, nutritious food and leave feeling fortified and grateful. One can never be too careful about preventing poison and foreign substances from being introduced into your precious bodily fluids so you had better eat right! There are 4 vegetarian bibimbap dishes on the menu, but the best by far is the namul bibimbap with nine kinds of vegetables including mushrooms. Or maybe it is only seven vegetables, but it is a lot of fucking vegetables in that hot stone bowl, that is a fact. Misers rejoice-it is flavorful, filling, and under ten bucks. The banchans here rock, today we were given eight varieties, all of them worthy of seconds. But what really sets this place apart are the wonderful women who work here and the awesome service.

Providence Seafood Restaurant - Fuck all that Avant Garde Shit!

Everything was lovely from the moment we walked in the door. We ordered the wonderful 15 course tasting menu, and my wife got the wine pairing which she said was excellent. It was all going peachy until I got an anaphylactic shock from the sea urchin and my face swelled until it looked like a bruised fruit. Thank goodness I had an Epi Pen at home. I was especially fond of the cheese selection. Overall, the food was interesting but prepared with some serious overkill. I like simple fresh seafood with a minimum of preparation and ingredients much better than this avant garde shit. I would not come back here unless someone else were paying, but I truly enjoyed the experience. If it were my birthday, I would rather go to Pa Ord!

A Fly on the Wall at the Pacific Dining Car

If I were reviewing the breakfast exclusively, I would have given them a perfect rating. The banana and pecan pancakes, Eggs Blackstone, fried potatoes, and the muffins are spectacular. The breakfast cooks know how to cook your eggs a perfect over medium or however you desire them and the coffee is first rate. The steaks are just plain hunks of dead, unseasoned cow flesh and that $55.00 price on the menu makes you think surely they must jest. On a brighter note, the creamed spinach is one of my favorite sides anywhere and the fried potatoes are similar but not identical to the ones that come from my own kitchen. If you are alcoholic, you can get a proper but expensive fix here. If you puke on your shirt in the bathroom, nod off on percocet, if the prostitute you came in here with starts to become belligerent and loud, or you and your friends are coming down slowly from acid, they aren't going to mind. Your money is still green here. Lots of high powered attorneys, judges and other assorted assholes routinely clog their arteries with Hollandaise Sauce in this dining room. If you were a fly on the wall, you would find this place very entertaining.