Bryan Kest is the Best

I recently came here again with my daughter for a class on Tuesday morning. I have gone into a lot of yoga places around town and have really wished that I had half an Oki Dog to put underneath the heater so that the people can sense my lack of approval for their phoniness. They may say namaste, but when you see how they treat the cleaning lady or fight you for a parking space over at Urth Cafe, it is enough to induce projectile vomiting.

The people at Bryan Kest power yoga are for real. This is a seriously challenging, hardcore workout taught by people who are serene and willing to share true yoga with you. I am no expert on yogic philosophy and karma, but I don't think that studios that engage in litigation and attempt to assert ownership, dominion and control over yoga poses represent true yoga. In my lifetime, I have seen Santa Monica transform from a very compassionate and liberal place into one of the world's most gleaming examples of insidious capitalism. By requesting a donation after class, Bryan Kest Power Yoga may just be the only remnant of that great era in a sea of soulless places like the Border Grill and Design Within Reach.

Damon's Glendale- Time for a Drunkening

Damon's opened in the same year that my dad was born, back when Glendale was the home of the American Nazi Party and when Armenia was a part of the Soviet Union. The interior is decorated with lots of Hawaiian crap and some of the best light fixtures I have ever seen in my life. If I had one of Damon's Tiki light fixtures and a real Tiffany lamp, I would probably hang the Damon's fixture in my living room, and the Tiffany lamp over my toilet. There are quite a few saltwater aquariums here with fish that your kids can pester while they smear their germ and food filled hands on the glass.

The Damon's Mai Tai is the tropical drink by which all other tropical drinks are measured. If you are an alcoholic, you are going to love this place. Even the ice is better here than at any other bar I have been to. It makes the drink taste like an alcoholic tropical snow cone. I have never ordered anything but the Mai Tai here to drink. If you want to get shit in your shoes drunk, have about four of these. I would never order a Chi Chi.

The steaks here are not prime, dry aged, nor particularly of the highest quality, but tasty nonetheless. It is an honest steak, and they will cook it more or less like you asked for it. I like rare filet, the hamburger steak and the gravy which tastes like it was made from a powder in a foil envelope. The salad is cold, crisp, has beets, and is pretty good. Ask them to bring you one with the regular house dressing and another with ranch dressing. They give you a half a baked potato stuffed with mashed potatoes which can be hit or miss. The fried shrimp is crispy, hot, competent and a better choice than the broiled shrimp. You should upgrade to garlic bread.

This place is a throwback to the day when a salad tossed table side did not have a filthy meaning, and a three drink lunch was not "good cause for dismissal" from your job. It is not exactly cheap to eat and drink here, but by no means outrageous. I would much rather come here than most steakhouses and that is for damn sure.

Promethazine with Codeine and Fogo De Chao Brazillian Restaurant

Imagine sitting in front of a 50 gallon drum of Promethazine with Codeine Cough Syrup. Pretty soon, you are going to say to yourself, "This stuff is not bad for you if you take it in moderation. Why they say that it might even be good for you! It will do me no harm if I take a little bit...." Well, you know what is going to happen.

Here at Fogo De Chao, the same thing is going to happen but with beef. In my defense, someone gave me a gift certificate.

Jeff's Terrible Kosher Sausage Factory - An Oxymoron of a Restaurant

Jeff's sucks. It's reason for existence is for Jewish people to show their families that they really don't sneak pork when god is not watching. They can go to Jeff's to create a facade of minding their dietary restrictions. Monday through Friday, they are sneaking the sausage. Mark my word. The food here is the culinary equivalent of fake tits. Ultimately, it is expensive and disappointing. The chili on the fries is a real cross between foul and awful.

I had a kraut dog (competent), merguez (not bad but not memorable either) and chili fries (get the fucking rope). Five stars? Perhaps you should get out more often, you Kosher dumbass. For what you are going to spend here, you could easily eat real hotdogs and fries at Fab's and have some money left in your pocket. Even though Pink's has some mighty shitty hotdogs, they are leaps and bounds better than anything I have tasted here. If you are in this area, there are other Kosher places that serve far better food.

USC is a College Full of Twat Sucking Cunts but La Barca is Pretty Cool

La Barca is about the best of the mediocre Mexican spots in Los Angeles where you can order a predictable combo plate with several permutations of taco, enchilada, relleno, and tostada with rice and beans. It is overwhelmingly better than Barragan's, El Cholo, El Coyote, La Talpa, etc. but is neither authentic nor innovative or tasty. The owners and employees aim to please, and you will be pleased by the low prices and snappy service. The food is consistent, bland and predictable, but the enchiladas Suizas, fried chicken or beef taquitos, huevos rancheros, and nachos are made to order and not entirely without merit. There is something about La Barca that I really like but it is not the food. For ages, it was the single solitary place to eat and drink in the neighborhood, and the restaurant really succeeds in making people feel comfortable and have a good time. It is a place where public drunkenness is easily forgiven, and USC students, cops, robbers, and people from the neighborhood sit side by side eating and drinking at prices that will not break the bank.

By the way Trojans, your school sucks. Go Bruins!

A Good Experience at Santa Monica Ford

My 2004 Mercury Grand Marquis was giving me some trouble, and my colleague who teaches auto mechanics told me it was the converter, and that it might even be under warranty. I took the car to the Ford dealership on Beverly and Vermont, and was told by the head liar in their service department that it was probably not the converter, and that I would be required to pay $100.00 for a diagnostic. I voted with my feet, and went to Santa Monica Ford.

I was greeted by the porter who was friendly at the outset. Then, a guy named Tom Hum assisted me. He immediately told me that it sounded like the converter, and commented that it was still under warranty. I picked it up a day later at no charge. I was delighted that Mr. Hum did not try and take advantage of me or give me the run around. I wrote them a letter to express my thanks.

Brand Park Glendale, CA

Brand Park is situated in the Verdugo Mountains in the foothills of Glendale. For the hike to the top, start at the Green Cross statue of the lady and head straight up the hill towards the east radio towers for the easier side and up the fire road behind the doctor's house about a mile up past the landfill and then turn left when you get to the large sycamore tree for the steeper trail. The more challenging side also has a set of radio towers on top and ends at the top of Tongva Peak. It may help some people to wear cleats to get a better grip, but I have no problems using trail running shoes. Both sides are kind of steep and a good elevation gain, but are relatively short hikes. If you run down the fire road to the west of Tongva Peak, it will add a couple of miles to your run or hike (4.1 miles to the parking lot). At the halfway point of the east side, there are benches, and a nice view of Glendale, Burbank, Downtown, Silverlake, and the north side of Griffith Park. Pasadena, Tujunga and La Crescenta are visible when you get to the top and look over the other side. Things to take into account:

There is no shade

There are little gnats, flies and hornets so use DEET

There is no water

Like any hike, you can slip and fall and crack your head open and perish and the plants and animals don't care so just enjoy yourselves and don't take any unnecessary risks.

Superior views on clear days of the San Gabriel Mountains on one side, and the sprawl on the other

Rabbit, squirrel, coyote, and a bobcat or two.

A couple of nice oaks.

This park is filled with cool stuff in general. There is a branch of the Glendale public library and a Japanese tea house, but you probably knew that. The Brand Family graveyard is on the premises as well, and has a very cool pyramid tombstone. There is also a trail with waterfalls that you can access by walking up the asphalt road at the north end of the park, and hanging a left at the drainage ditch at the fork in the road. When you come to a pork in the road, take it.

This is a really good place to eat medicinal mushrooms and is super cool when it rains! The park closes at 10PM.