A Pity Fuck at the UCLA Department of Hematology and Oncology

Cancer is something that most people try to block from their mind, and avoid contemplating entirely. A most unpleasant topic, indeed, and I guess that is why nobody has reviewed this place yet. Lymphomas and other blood cancers are becoming far more common than they were in the past, with new Non- Hodgkin's Lymphoma diagnoses escalating to the tune of 50,000 new cases per year with about 25,000 fatalities in the US alone. Even if you wish to bury your head in the sand like a big, fat, stupid ostrich, chances are you or someone you know will develop a malignancy, possibly one involving your precious bodily fluids. So you had best plan ahead. One day, you can be riding pretty high on the hog, sitting poolside, planning your Friday dinner with the wife, and spending your money like a Gulf Arab in Amsterdam. Another day, lady fortune can spin the wheel and perhaps you will find yourself on the other end of the phone as the doctor tells you that the biopsy came back and that you have an unusual cancer and that you are probably not going to live very long. Wrap up your financial affairs, they might advise, and say goodbye to your friends and family. It is surreal how that phone call will sound. It almost feels like they are talking to someone else but the words have to go through your ear first. It is kind of like the first episode of Breaking Bad when Walt is sitting in his doctor's office getting the bad news. But don't fret. First, light up a fat joint and then go out to a fine dinner. Order an extra starter and get that dessert. Turn on Laurel and Hardy and the Three Stooges. Keep your sense of humor, and don't lose your zest for life for one moment. Your mental health is probably equally as important as your physical health. Thank your lucky stars that you live in Los Angeles which is home to the finest cancer treatment centers in the world. City of Hope, Keck-USC, Cedars, and there are many others too. If you have Lymphoma, however, you want to go to UCLA and see Dr. Lauren Pinter-Brown. She is at the top of her game, and is the director of the Lymphoma program at this fine college. You will be in good hands here. Since it is a teaching hospital, the interns and residents will be taking a close look at you. You might be able to get one of the students to take pity on your cancer riddled ass and allow you to stuff their holes.