SD Thai Massage (Western and Lemon Grove)

Back in 2008, I noticed some numbness and weakness on one side of my right arm. My doctor at Cedars ordered an MRI which revealed a c6/c7 herniation. He ordered all of these procedures that cost my insurance company tens of thousands of dollars. In addition, the wonderful doctors over at Cedars allowed me to eat all of the Vicodin I could possibly want. It was as if I had a magical, never ending jar of narcotic painkillers in my medicine cabinet. While I appreciate the gesture, I don't think it is a medically sound decision to prescribe a tub full of these oblong yellow pills to people. The doctors at Cedars then convinced me to get a series of epidurals in my spine. This was a major procedure over there, and it even involved general anesthesia, and a bevy of well qualified medical personnel running hither and thither around the procedure room making sure that things were sterile and that all their instruments were in order. While the first one seemed to help quite a bit, the subsequent injections made me irritable, angry and super aggressive. I felt so out of control, that I had to take time off of work while the poison corticosteroids were leached from my body. For a while there, they told me that I was a good candidate for neck surgery, but elective surgery has always made me feel like something was rotten in Denmark. They soon stopped the fool-talk of surgery after Blue Shield of California dropped me like a hot turd and my new insurance, Aetna would not cover said surgery on a cold day in hell. My new insurance company sent me to a new pain specialist over in Koreatown (Anapa Pain Clinic) who talked to me in a more sensible manner, dismissing both surgery and all pain medication during the first consultation at his office. He made a suggestion to get a traction machine ($500), to do some exercises, and get more massages. For the super fucked up days, he told me to use an ice pack. Additionally, he said to resume exercising daily and always keep moving. What great advice! Fast forward to 2012. I still feel some pain and numbness, but the traction machine and the massages are without a doubt the most effective treatments around for me. The massages that I get at this place are exceedingly effective and leave my neck, shoulder and body in general feeling like I don't have an injury at all. There are three different people working here and all of them will have you feeling so great that you won't know whether to laugh or to cry. For sure you will feel much more relaxed all week. Unlike places like Pho Siam where the workers are so lazy, that they won't even use their hands unless you ask them, and tend to press way too hard, this place is a bonafide, professional Thai Massage place. The people here practice Thai Massage the same way that it is taught at Wat Po. They have herbs to add to the massage if you need it at no extra cost. It consists of a lot of stretching, and getting into the meridians of your body to get rid of your pain. Thai Massage is easily a few thousand years old. Western Medicine and Cedar Sinai are much more recent, and much less effective for this type of injury.

Yoga West

I was given a gift certificate for a week of classes at this place by one of my business associates. I had walked past here before but I did not know about the yoga classes. Furthermore, I had seen the mostly Jewish converts wrapped up in turbans walking along Robertson Blvd. for decades. It piqued my curiosity and was close to my house. I ended up joining and buying the unlimited monthly pass. A bit expensive, but I thought I was going to learn real yoga. Everyone I came in contact with at this place treated me well. Now, I am not a touchy-feely kind of guy, and am genuinely suspicious of any activity that is sponsored by a church so I began to research the group (H3O) and it's founder, the late Yogi Bhajan. I did not find any smoking gun, or anything that would indicate that these people were malicious like the Sikhs that took over the Golden Temple in 1982, except that Yogi Bhajan preached that homosexuality was an illness and mistakes of god. Deduct a couple of stars for retardation. Also, there were some accusations that he was a ladies man. Finally, I read that some high ranking members were busted with a sailboat full of Thai Weed back in the 80's (not much of a crime in my book). The church seems to have a lot of assets. Then, a few months later, I met someone close to the founder, Yogi Bhajan. He claims the yogi was a charlatan and that the followers were people he would go through great lengths to avoid. I thought that was a pretty strong endorsement to stay away from these people. I do not want to say his name, but he was a close relative of the Yogi. I found almost all of the teachers here to be pretty cool, friendly and kind. The one disappointing exception was Guru Ignatowski, I mean Guru Singh. I was told by some adoring fans that he was the rockstar guru. While he was nice enough, when he opened his mouth, I kept on thinking what kind of bird brained philosophy is this? I'm talking serious mumbo jumbo here, folks. Repeatedly through his classes, I wondered in astonishment if this guy was for real (I went to several of this guys classes to give him a chance). My guess is that someone ate too much blotter while wheedling away on his guitar. I listed to this narcissistic idiot lie about how he was the subject of the MK-Ultra Program and how he went to Mexico and apprenticed with a shaman up in the mountains. I was born in the morning, but not this morning, and I can tell you that Guru Singh smells pretty fishy. I would like to eat shrooms with him and expose him as a liar. If you have never practiced Kundalini, you are in for a laugh. It is not really physical, and the poses are childishly easy. If you have gone to Bikram or Bryan Kest and can hang, you will be insulted by the lack of intensity here. There is singing and chanting and brainwashing along with blind adoration for all things Indian. I can't believe that these idiots want to be Indian. India has a lot of social problems, and is a classist, racist society. Some people that teach here assert that India is a utopia, overlooking the gang rape, child abuse, designation of women as lower than dogs, and the hate of all things Pakistani. Indians are fucked up people, and I do my best to avoid doing business with them. Because of the caste system, most of the Indians that you will meet here in the United States are from a high caste in India where they undoubtedly believe that they have been created in a superior manner to you. Because of this, you are fair game for mistreatment and being ripped off by them. I know that there are exceptions, but Indians are for the most part very racist people, and their society is pretty harsh. Notice that no Indians go to Yoga West. Real Indian Sikhs go to the gurwarda on Vermont in Los Feliz. When I came in here, there were a bunch of aggressive middle aged women with their pudenda hanging out of their yoga pants looking for some same day action. If you are interested in cougars you are going to be a happy man. It would be possible to seal the deal with any of them if you were into that sort of thing. These people are constantly trying to nickel and dime you once they have you inside the studio. Immediately after getting on their mailing list, they are trying to sell you extra things not included in the monthly membership. You could, for instance, get the special attention of Guru Singh at the Summer Solstice celebration for an additional $150.00 or teacher training at over one thousand. To round out the commercial vibe of this place, there were linen yoga suits, designer mats, books, CDs and Yogi Tea available for purchase in the lobby. They also had a calendar with 365 different sayings of the leader for each day of the year. All major credit cards accepted. They send you a new solicitation on an almost daily basis. Finally, I heard several teachers suggest taking cold showers. Someone has obviously never had their gas turned off. I would not go back to this place.

Bryan Kest Power Yoga

I recently came here again with my daughter for a class on Tuesday morning. I have gone into a lot of yoga places around town and have really wished that I had half an Oki Dog to put underneath the heater so that the people can sense my lack of approval for their phoniness. They may say namaste, but when you see how they treat the cleaning lady or fight you for a parking space over at Urth Cafe, it is enough to induce projectile vomiting. The people at Bryan Kest power yoga are for real. This is a seriously challenging, hardcore workout taught by people who are serene and willing to share true yoga with you. I am no expert on yogic philosophy and karma, but I don't think that studios that engage in litigation and attempt to assert ownership, dominion and control over yoga poses represent true yoga. While I have taken numerous classes at Bikram College of Indian Yoga including several from the man himself, I think his soul is filled with dog shit. In fact, I have know some people from the Indian Subcontinent and have formulated an opinion on doing business with Indians. They filter everything through the caste system, and if you are dealing with Indians who perceive that they are of a higher caste than you, they will treat you with a great deal of disdain and no respect whatsoever. Make no mistake about it folks, Bikram believes that he is better than you. In my lifetime, I have seen Santa Monica transform from a very compassionate and liberal place into one of the world's most gleaming examples of insidious capitalism. The workout in the class we took was intense. I felt like she encouraged us to utilize our core muscles and gave us a great 90 minute exercise session. I left feeling stretched out and relaxed. Reflecting on the 1970s, I remember the Rent Control Ordinance that was enacted here late in the decade. It is one of my very favorite pieces of legislation ever. It was such a powerful ordinance, that it made large apartment owners in Santa Monica exceedingly nervous and as mad as a hornet. One property owner, local lamprey Lawrence Kates and his partners Harvey and Dave Rosen owned the twin towers apartments on Ocean Ave and rather than being subjected to the ordinance, kept most of the units vacant. It took the property owners decades to water down the once stellar protection offered to renters in Santa Monica. I guess what I am trying to say is that there were a lot of hippies in Santa Monica during the 1970's and early 1980's and there were a lot of progressive thinkers around. People were more compassionate and it seemed like there was more spirit of brotherhood back then. Lots of women dressed in leg warmers and had a big unshaven bush. There were a bunch of Quaaludes and Thai Weed flowing, and to tell you the truth, I wish they would bring back the unshaven bush. A quaalude or two would be spot on too. By requesting a donation after class, Bryan Kest Power Yoga may just be the only remnant of that great era in a sea of soulless places like the Border Grill and Design Within Reach.