Los Angeles Palm

The Palm 1100 S Flower Street Los Angeles, CA 90015 (213) 763-4600 There are a few good items on the menu here such as the lobster bisque, hash browns, sauteed spinach, and perhaps the Gigi Salad. The steaks are slabs of prime beef devoid of seasoning and are priced high enough to make you void your bowels. As for the lobster, if you are a member of the Palm Club, they will send you a coupon halving the price. It is simply grilled lobster. Nothing more, and nothing less. The guy cooking it does not deserve a medal or anything. In fact, if you can light a BBQ and use a knife to slice a lobster that you purchased from the 99 Ranch Market in half, then you can make the same lobster dinner in your own backyard for about $80.00 cheaper. Take a look at all of those assholes with their caricatures on the wall! I would not want to have anything to do with any of them. Ditto with the pumped up heels in the bar area. Famous people, with the exception of Merle Haggard, I do not care to mingle with under any circumstances. This Palm has the same shit on the menu but is far inferior to the West Hollywood location which has a much better ambiance. Both Palms are great places to take out of town relatives, especially if they hail from a hick town like Arbuckle or Red Bluff. Your cousin will never forget the time you took him here and he saw Jean Claude Van Damme doing rails on the urinal.

Raytheon: one of the most deadly companies on earth

Raytheon 235 Wyman St Waltham, MA 02451 (781) 290-0472 When Obama and the rest of the jokers in the military industrial complex decide that they are going to undertake a great humanitarian mission in the Middle East or Southeast Asia, the Raytheon Company, producers of the Tomahawk Missile, will surely reap the benefits of "liberation" and "freedom". The Tomahawk is an all weather cruise missile that is used as a first strike weapon whenever Moe, Larry, and Curly hunker down in the war room and decide to draw another line in the sand. Whoop Whoop. Nyuck Nyuck. Each Tomahawk costs $1.5 Million Dollars. They would have to fire quite a few of these to show those "terrorists" that we are serious. At least enough so that Raytheon, with almost a 25 BILLION dollar revenue in 2012 can exceed it's wildest expectations in 2013. In my short life I have learned that things go far smoother when you shower people with kindness instead of cruise missiles. Shame on all of you otherwise talented engineers who squander your brains to foster death.

El Sangrante Picante

El Sangrante Picante 11th and Union, 90015 Some people say the best carnitas are sold at the truck outside of Shatto Lanes. Some people say that carnitas are all the same. But I know where the carnitas are not lame. El Sangrante Picante. Located on the Southwest corner of 11th and Union, this is clearly the best taco truck I have ever had the pleasure of eating at. The Vampiro here is the Vampiro by which all Vampiros should be judged. It is a true delight, even if you are a big Beaver Dracula. I talked to the owner/cook and he told me that his cousin drives all the way out to Riverside a couple of times per week to pick up a "special" pig that they use to make the carnitas. For the last two weeks of it's life, they feed it a secret diet of "sustainable protein" and beer until it is ready to slaughter. Then, they render it, buche and all, in a big copper kettle and use imported Hinoki wood to make the fire. That combination of special feed and copper kettle make this one exquisite pig who died for a good reason. As the old saying goes, "Hinoki wood is better than hokey wood!" So stuff your taco with porky goodness and douse it with the outstanding green tomatillo sauce with just a hint of fresh epazote. You never finished pork this fast and sloppy since high school. If you are of above average weight and girth, there is an all you can eat option available for $24.00. I know more than a few people who may take advantage of this great deal. I even know one such guy on Yelp who is probably going to write a shitty rap song about it. Get there early because they only cook one pig at a time and it tends to run out pretty quickly. The salsas are all exemplary. The habanero salsa is especially nice. They even give you a free side of pinto beans served in a styrene foam cup similar to the ones served at Mexicali Tacos but with the addition of chorizo made from the special pig. But wait, if you are a vegetarian, they have bloody clam ceviche made with soy clams. Tell the guy at the window "soy almeja" and they will dish it up. Tell them "bien caliente" and point to your belly if you want it extra spicy. Much better than La Cevicheria, but without that annoying sonofabitch that can't keep his pie hole shut. It just doesn't get any better than this. You can get a bootleg video of Matt Damon in Elysium from a guy who's breath smells like mothballs. You can even get a Hello Kitty blanket or a $20.00 rock without any references whatsoever. You can brown bag your fifth quart of Papsmear Blue Ribbon and no one is going to trip. Drinking proletarian brew makes one a Bohemian as does burning a candle in an empty Chianti bottle. It is a real carnival atmosphere. At least it was when I came here. Usually, I don't eat at taco trucks because I don't want to pick up ascaris, but there is something about these people that I trust. Carne asada here makes El Taurino look like Del Fucking Taco bro. The carnitas here are even better than Freebird's. Sadly, there is no special pig. All of those things I described in the above paragraphs are granfaloons. There is no soy anything or any seafood for that matter. As it turns out, this is just a regular, run of the mill taco trailer. It is not even a truck. They sure are good, though!

Sand Dune Park and Cocksucking Relatives

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Dude, the Nuart

Nuart Theater 11272 Santa Monica Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90025 (310) 473-8530 The Hays Code kept explicit sex, foul language, overt drug use, and crime without legal consequences from the silver screen for many years. It was a big deal back then to call Burt Lancaster a Wop in the film entitled The Young Savages. In Double Indemnity, things did not turn out so well for Fred MacMurray who found himself punished pretty severely for his participation in a homicide and insurance fraud. When Frank Sinatra portrayed heroin addict Frankie Machine in The Man With the Golden Arm, it created quite a bit of outrage as it was the first time hard drugs had been featured in a film since the 1920's. It was this film that marked the beginning of the end for self-censorship by the motion picture industry. From this point forward, things quickly transitioned to midget gangbang porn. John Waters Pink Flamingos took what was left of the Hays Code and vomited on it. The film portrayed cannibalism, chicken fucking, dog shit eating, and starred the fantastic transvestite, Divine, the awesome Mink Stole, and the one and only Edith Massey. I laughed so hard in my entire life the first time I saw this film at the Nuart, I almost fell on the floor. It was a life changing moment for me to witness the absurdity of this film on the big screen. What high art! At the 25th Anniversary showing of Pink Flamingos, I actually got to meet John Waters personally. A high honor in my book as I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about celebrities. The only movie I have seen at the theater in the last five years was Wolverine, and it represented everything I hate about Hollywood. It was no Pink Flamingos. When other movie houses feature shit like Wolverine in 3D for fifteen bucks a ticket, the Nuart still shows films like Rocky Horror. This place should be declared a California Historical Landmark. I am glad it is still in business.

Sno-cone Porn

Raspados Xpress 5540 Whittier Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90022 (323) 724-1033 On a blazing hot East Los Angeles afternoon, when the temperature makes the jump from 2 to 3 digits, this is the best place on earth. They carry exquisite Mexican snow cones made using fresh fruit, fruit juice, fruit salad, and other healthy, inexpensive treats, I ordered a large pineapple drink and closed my eyes for a moment, forgot about being physically located in a miserable strip mall, and imagined myself on a tropical beach. My drink had lots of pieces of pineapple contained therein. My wife ordered a raspado, esentially a large, glorified Mexican Snow Cone in a large plastic cup. The snow cone was covered in fresh pineapple, guyaba, and lime and was top notch. I will be back to try one of these later. It is refreshing to go to a place where they use fresh fruit instead of heavily processed dog shit. On the way over to this place, I saw a sign at a fast food restaurant advertising their new Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich. What the fuck kind of an abomination is a Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich? Whoever comes up with shit like that should be tarred and feathered, buggered at high noon, and run out of town on a railroad handcar. There are places like Raspados Xpress all over Mexico and Huntington Park which is similar to Mexico. I know that other places have shaved ice but raspados are better. Especially in this oppressive heat.

Hollywood Thai, Bro

Hollywood Thai 5241 Hollywood Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90027 (323) 467-0926 Hollywood Thai Restaurant Category: Thai Neighborhood: Hollywood This place is a little bit more formal than some of the other places in the area. The food is just outstanding. And when we came in, it was busy as fuck, but they did not drop the ball and everything was perfectly prepared and nicely spiced. We ordered stir fried fish fillet with herbs, garlic and chili extra spicy. The boneless pieces of fish were lightly battered and fried with a heap of chili, garlic, lime leaves, and other Thai herbs. The seasoning on the fish was delicious and it could not have been improved under any circumstances. The papaya salad is something that I order at every Thai place I ever walk into, unconditionally as a litmus test of the restaurant. I order it because it is one of the three best salads I have ever tasted in my life, and more importantly, because it is an exceedingly healthy salad prepared with no animal fat, fresh vegetables, tasty dressing, and a ton of dried red and fresh Thai chilies. The version of papaya salad prepared by the wonderful cooks in the kitchen here deserves a standing ovation. It is a perfect blend of chilies, fish sauce, sugar, lime, garlic, tomatoes, green bean, salty dried shrimp, peanut, and crispy green papaya. It was a nice big portion and I could have easily eaten another order it was so good. "Oh, I can't possibly eat spaghetti. I'm not even Italian." Even though I have been eating it since 1984, I love Pad Thai. I can't stand it when phoney high-brow, luxury loft-dwelling, ten course tasting menu eating fucks declare that they are too sophisticated to order Pad Thai. For all you people that are too good to eat Pad Thai out there, it does not make you a better and more interesting person. So fuck you. The Pad Thai here is easily as good as anything I tasted at Melisse at a fraction of the cost, not as good as the Pad Thai KK at Yai Hollywood which is the best version EVER, but gourmet and worthy of five Yelp stars. Eating this great dinner at Hollywood Thai was as good as food gets for sure.