Providence Seafood Restaurant - Fuck all that Avant Garde Shit!

Everything was lovely from the moment we walked in the door. We ordered the wonderful 15 course tasting menu, and my wife got the wine pairing which she said was excellent. It was all going peachy until I got an anaphylactic shock from the sea urchin and my face swelled until it looked like a bruised fruit. Thank goodness I had an Epi Pen at home. I was especially fond of the cheese selection. Overall, the food was interesting but prepared with some serious overkill. I like simple fresh seafood with a minimum of preparation and ingredients much better than this avant garde shit. I would not come back here unless someone else were paying, but I truly enjoyed the experience. If it were my birthday, I would rather go to Pa Ord!

A Fly on the Wall at the Pacific Dining Car

If I were reviewing the breakfast exclusively, I would have given them a perfect rating. The banana and pecan pancakes, Eggs Blackstone, fried potatoes, and the muffins are spectacular. The breakfast cooks know how to cook your eggs a perfect over medium or however you desire them and the coffee is first rate. The steaks are just plain hunks of dead, unseasoned cow flesh and that $55.00 price on the menu makes you think surely they must jest. On a brighter note, the creamed spinach is one of my favorite sides anywhere and the fried potatoes are similar but not identical to the ones that come from my own kitchen. If you are alcoholic, you can get a proper but expensive fix here. If you puke on your shirt in the bathroom, nod off on percocet, if the prostitute you came in here with starts to become belligerent and loud, or you and your friends are coming down slowly from acid, they aren't going to mind. Your money is still green here. Lots of high powered attorneys, judges and other assorted assholes routinely clog their arteries with Hollandaise Sauce in this dining room. If you were a fly on the wall, you would find this place very entertaining.

Lake Cachuma - So Close to Santa Barbara Yet So Far From God

I shroomed here with my brother before he died. Nice lake and decent campsites, although they are pretty close together. The people next to us seemed to be tweaking pretty hard, and turned their campsite into a kind of fortress. They used firewood and ice chests to wall themselves in and then left abruptly at 3am. You can walk around the lake and fish but not swim. Better options are available nearby on the coast but the lake is pleasant.

If You Get Stuck In Bakersfield….

Eat at WoolGrower's Restaurant. You will not regret it for a moment.

This is a very good place to stop if you are ever heading up the 99. The food is homestyle, and everything is made from scratch. You can get a very stiff drink at the bar while you are waiting or select from a few proletarian beers in the bottle or can. This is not a white glove establishment, but the garlic fried chicken and the roast lamb are solid bets, the portions are large, and you can have as many beans, refills of salad, bread, tomato salsa, and garlic tongue as you like. It is reminiscent of Centro Basco in Chino, but the atmosphere here is way better. You can get some extras with your meal such as a piece of cheese. The service is really friendly. Overall, this place is a very good time.

Phillip's BBQ Motherfucker

I think Phillip's pork ribs, links, and rib tips are the best I have tasted in Los Angeles. I lived in Houston for a short while, and can verify that Phillip can hold his own (Phillip is from Louisiana). The beans are good, but I don't come here for the sides. I take the meat home, and we make our own potato salad and coleslaw.

The pork ribs with the HOT SAUCE (with whole arbol chilies in the sauce) are so good that I could just keep eating until the entire rack is gone. You can go ahead and pour the sauce directly in my mouth. The pork ribs are smoky all the way to the bone, trimmed of excess fat and seasoned with plain salt and pepper to highlight the goodness of the meat. The sliced beef links and are a bit grainy, have a nice kick to them, and are wonderful smothered in the (HOT) sauce and scooped up with a piece of plain white bread and helped down with some strong, cold IPA. I used to drink Rainer Ale with this at one time.

I have been buying meat here for many years and it is not the slightest bit sketchy, and it is not in the "ghetto". The location on Crenshaw and Adams used to be Leo's, but now that Phillip took it over, the quality is A+ #1! I just dare you not to eat a rib on the way home. I double dog dare you!

Miso Careful- Maison Akira Pasadena, CA

Dinner here was wonderful and the chef exceedingly talented, but classically uptight Japanese with an I have to be too careful mentality. I enjoyed most of the courses brought to the table for the Epicurean Menu, but they were a touch restrained for my palate. The amuse bouche was just cock awful, reminiscent of something they try to deal free samples of at Trader Joe's. It was like a piece of bland chicken sausage on top of shredded iceberg lettuce with plum sauce on top. I was happy that it was not a harbinger of what was to come.

The next course was dashi poached shrimp with a green vegetable puree with a hint of yuzu, smoked salt, sweet black beans, and pickled carrots. This plate was almost too pretty to eat, but I got over that and after finishing it off, I thought that something was missing. The freshness of the ingredients was evident in this and every other dish of the evening, but I did not consider it to be outstanding. Competent, restrained, neutered, perhaps?

So this guy fed emperor Akahito his signature seabass. How fucking special. I would have been more impressed if he had served it to Idi Amin, or maybe Kim Jung Il. I did like the fish very much. The miso marinade was out of this world good, and the fish oily and perfectly cooked, all two (2) ounces of it. The couscous that it was placed on top was as boring as sitting through the last five minutes of an elementary school day. I am sure this guy could pull something out of his toque that was a little more imaginative to substitute for the couscous.

The foie gras with stewed daikon, pear, and potato crisps (at least I think those were potatoes) was flawless. I have a perfect solution for people who think it is cruel to eat this substance-go mind your own fucking business and don't eat it. That Lance Armstrong has a lot of ball starting fights over foie gras, I tell you.

I opted to spend an extra $10.00 to upgrade to the Kobe (Snake River Farms) 6oz. New York. and would suggest that you do the same. It had a Cabernet demi reduction that we have all eaten a million times before, but Akira makes this dish shine. Comes with restrained vegetables. If you order this cooked higher than rare, then I am going to resort to name calling.

The sorrel soup. This was not something I would have on the menu if I ruled the world.

Flourless chocolate cake and espresso ice cream exceeded my wildest expectations. Bravo!

My wife ordered escargots, crab flan special with grilled eggplant and tomato, wine, more wine, a Mexican shrimp mushroom dish, a salad with pears and walnuts, and a kir royale. She particularly enjoyed everything. I think more than I did.

Finally... the service. I don't really dine out for the service personally, but it was spotty here. Friendly, but spotty.

Sam's Hofbrau - A Nice Place to Lose a Leg or Two or Three

Having worked in the Pico Union neighborhood for the past fifteen years, I had often wondered where all of the street prostitutes working James M. Wood Blvd. went to retire. Well, after discovering Sam's Hofbrau, I finally found my answer. I find the sex industry to be pretty repulsive. Once you have seen one trashy skank that smells like tobacco smoke, rancid panocha, alcohol, and halitosis you have seen em all. But this is more than a puke-stained club filled with defective sex workers. It is a monument to filth and bad taste that serves up cheap beer, BBQ beef sandwiches, chili dogs, and haunting images that your mind will never erase. Violence can easily break out at this place. Be cautious. Alas, I am not daring enough to eat here. Sam, you have an odd sense of humor, but I likes you anyway.