The oppressive heat is no excuse to weasel your way out of exercising!

Get on the trail and stop making excuses. Drink plenty of water, and eat a couple of bananas. Take at least an additional liter of water per person. Today, I decided to tackle Griffith Park from the Western end of Ferndell. Just walk a couple of hundred yards past the kid's playground and keep to the left. There are several ways to speed this section up the best was is to just start running slowly and bear right past the sycamores to a little trail that will take you straight up the ridge and finish up at those picnic tables just below the road. Cross the street, and head up the hill and soon you will be at the bridge. Keep on going up, breathe through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Keep hydrated. Take a look at the panoramic views and the inevitable pair of raven soaring overhead.

Once you get to the top take a look around and start heading down at once Pick up the pace a little bit and scan the trail ten feet in front of you. Let gravity carry you down the hill, and do not stop. Breathe and keep hydrated. Run at 3/4 speed until you get to the picnic area. Stretch for at least 15 minutes before heading to your car. Face it, it must have taken you a couple of years to get into bad shape, and it will probably take you at least a year to start seeing good results. You have to eat whole foods also! Working out alone is not enough. It is a lot of work. If you want to keep fit, you are going to need to do this run at least five days a week pushing yourself each and every time. You can go in the morning, or in the evening, it does not matter as long as you do it. It does not get easier, ever. Park your car across Los Feliz Blvd. so you don't get a parking ticket, and so that you don't cut any corners like a cheating bastard. There is another way to get a really good workout and that is by going up the steep hill to the right of the ever popular fire road leading up to the Observatory out of Ferndell. Run up this hill if you want to work your body the fuck out and fill each and every cell in your body with rich oxygen and nutrients. When you get to the top of the first steep hill, run like hell down the slope until you can barely take it anymore. Try to make yourself run up the next hill. Then the next one. And so on. After running this trail every day, I feel like 98% of my problems have been solved. I feel great, and look 10 years younger. Trail running even makes my hair grow back in a lush and shiny manner. I suspect that you will probably get the same results. I did it, and you can, too!

The Best Roasted Chicken in Los Angeles

Some people say that Zankou has the best chicken in Los Angeles, but those people are fucktards. I don't care what god you pray to up in heaven, but there is one thing for certain, he buys his roasted chicken from Pollos Ala Brasa on Western and 8th in Koreatown. Not only does Pollos have the best Pollos, but some damn good french fries as well. Skin on, thick cut, fresh potatoes which are fried to order. Not only is this the best roasted chicken, it is also without a doubt, the cheapest place to feed your family in a one hundred mile radius. Back in the Summer of 1998, I took an extended vacation to Peru, and determined that the very best thing about the trip was the Peruvian Food. Not only the perfect roasted chicken and fries available on any corner, but the magnificent variety of ceviche, fresh seafoods, and anticuchos that are so good that they can bring a tear to a grown man's eye. But one does not need to travel to a different hemisphere to fill up on wood fired chicken. Pollos Ala Brasa has a half a chicken, fries and a fresh salad for just under ten dollars. The chicken is smokey all the way to the bone, and the Aji served on the side is a wonderful and spicy addition to this great meal. You are going to thank me later!

Kasha Katuwe Tent Rocks National Monument

There is a reason why New Mexico is called the Land of Enchantment and clearly it is places like this. Just take a little extra time to get out here and hike up to the top of the Slot Canyon Trail to check out one of the best views I have ever seen in my life. The canyon itself is pretty narrow, and when we came up was completely filled with snow. The scenery, as you can see from the pictures is unforgettable. When you get to the top, the reward becomes quickly evident when you catch your first panoramic glimpse of the valley. Spectacular!

Crystal Cove State Park

I have never felt welcome in Orange County. Not for one moment. OC is the birthplace of punk rock music, and there are some great Vietnamese restaurants, but I'll voluntarily stay on my side of the curtain. I do like Crystal Cove, however. One cannot wonder what this place must have looked like before someone got the bright idea to litter the landscape with a golf course and faux-talian mansion monstrosities. Fortunately this little strip of the Orange Coast and a few thousand acres of behind the beach are protected and a great campground with million dollar sunset views is available to the general public. There are sites with all of the amenities (showers, water, tables) down by the beach, and a couple of dozen sites with fewer features if you are willing to hike 3 to four miles into the backcountry with all of your gear, water and food. There will be nobody camping in the backcountry, so if you are looking for solitary experience you are going to find it here at this time of the year at night (during the day the trails are swarming with people). Several trails go into the backcountry and if you decide to walk along the park boundaries it is about 11 miles. It took us a little over two hours to make the loop, and was stunning. It is not really a trail, it is more like a fire road. It is evident that they maintain this place very well. There is a lot of costal sage, and oaks at the bottom of the canyon. Red tailed hawks, turkey vultures, robins, and beautiful black ravens are abundant in the park. This time of the year, the canyons were green and lush and there were plenty of wildflowers. The rodent population seemed pretty healthy as well. You cannot access the beach from the campground. It requires a short walk up PCH. There are no campfires or bbqs allowed anywhere in the park. A Trader Joes is located less than a mile away and there are plenty of dining options in the area. This park is one of Orange County's crown jewels.

Mt. Lowe

Before the Station Fire, Mt. Lowe was one of the most beautiful areas in the local mountains. Those were the days. It was like a little corner of the Sierras about a half hour from Downtown Los Angeles. There are a number of trails leading to the top of Mt. Lowe. If you are interested in the scenic route, begin at the Cobb Estate/Lower Sam Merrill, continue on the Castle Canyon trail to Inspiration Point, then to the Campground and finally the summit. In the alternative, go up Angeles Crest Highway, turn right on Mt. Wilson Road and park your car at Mt. Lowe Saddle 2.1 miles up. This is the way to go if you are not an avid hiker or are with small children. From the saddle, walk through the beautiful CCC Era Stone Tunnel and take the East Trail to the Mt. Lowe summit. It is a suitable trail for children and dogs are permitted. The area used to be home to some nice oaks but since they burned, a bunch of Poodle Dog Brush and chaparral have popped up. The rock formations with the burned trees sticking out and the backdrop of the blue sky and the green meadow below are sublime. Wildflowers with beautiful shades of red are abundant at this time of the year. From the top of Mt. Lowe, there are some nice views of the Los Angeles Basin and Mt. San Antonio and San Gorgonio to the east. You will probably see Raven or Red-Tailed Hawk.

Harold And Belle's: A perfect restaurant if you like to eat big portions

You woke up one day and decided to throw in the towel. This is a great place to help you send your diet into the crapper. Face it, it takes a great deal of effort to exercise on a daily basis and even more effort to eat healthy. Don't worry, you are a real go-getter. You need grease for your brain and need to eat thousands of calories to maintain your girth. You need comfort food because it tastes so good and Harold and Belle's is like Paula Deen's country kitchen without the n-word. You need poor nutrition, and at least something from the fried group in each course. What a fine restaurant this place can be when you are ignoring your diet and trying to stop your heart. When the chef is in high gear, some of the best (and only) Creole dishes in Los Angeles will arrive on your table. On other days, when he is not doing so well, you might end up with an over-sized pile of fried shit that tastes like the fish dicks that they gave us in elementary school. I am fond of the red beans, jambalaya, and fried chicken wings. I usually get the perfect salad with fresh blue cheese dressing. My brother gets the clam chowder and swears by it. I have tasted it and can attest to its goodness. I find this to be a bargain at 23.00 because the portions are so enormous that it can feed a normal sized family of four for an entire year. I love the Etoufee with either shrimp or crawfish, and the fish Souzette is usually most enjoyable. The fried chicken here is deep fried to order and has a good amount of pepper in the flour and on the bird. If you were lucky enough to come here when the chef is doing well, you will be licking your fingers and cursing the Colonel. It can be as good as Dookie Chase in New Orleans when it shines, or it can also be just fair at times. One order of fried chicken is an entire bird or eight pieces. Eight fucking pieces of fried chicken. Fried oysters are really good, and the fried shrimp can be great, but can arrive cold sometimes. On the bright side, they give you a dozen oysters and maybe 8 fat shrimp. It would be difficult for a person of normal girth and width to finish the plate. Also, I once ordered a Sazerac Cocktail, and everyone looked at me like what the fuck did he say? Okay- if you are a bartender at a Creole restaurant you should know how to make a Sazerac Cocktail. At last, when you get here, take a look at the reinforced iron seating chairs with extra wide carriage. They have a capacity of 1/4 ton. You are going to need one of these if you become a regular here.

La Casita Mexicana is pretty good, but not the best by a motherfucking longshot!

Don't get me wrong, this place is wonderful, but not exactly the holy grail, especially if: 1) You happen to be Mexican and someone in your family is a good cook. 2) You are married to a Mexican whose family cooks well. 3) You know someone who is Mexican and is a good home cook and they had you over 4) You have traveled in Mexico and eaten a lot of good food (both street and restaurant food). The ingredients and the overall quality of this place are much higher than let's say 90% of Mexican places in the county, but it is by no means the #1 best. I read some article in LA Magazine, I think it was, that rated this place #1 in LA. No way, cocksuckers. (I use the term "cocksuckers" affectionately) I had the cecina, chorizo, and asada combination plate with beans, rice, and a bit of cactus salad. I enjoyed it, but the meat was a little cold. The melted queso appetizer was good, but consisted of queso de Oaxaca with a bit of chorizo in there. Nice for folding up into a tortilla, but you can put something like this together for a couple of bucks at home. Homemade tortillas here rock but they would rock if you ate them on the moon. The salsa? Competent and hot. The chips with moles served to you at the outset were my favorite part of the entire meal. My wife got the mole combination. Nice depth in all of the moles, but Guelaguetza is a couple of blocks from me and significantly better in the mole department. I bet that fat ass Rizzo and all of his cronies used to eat here before they were humbled by scandal. I could just imagine him stuffing chips topped with mole in his greedy mouth and paying for it with a city credit card while the owners preen around. The place serves good but not great homemade Mexican food but there is no way in the Wide World of Sports that I would go out of my way to eat here again. Even at the risk of tooting her goddamn horn, my wife cooks way better food than the people in this kitchen.