Chill Out

I came here afterwork yesterday and occupied campsite #39 in Manzanita Loop. There were a total of three other parties in the entire campground and the experience could not have been anymore magnificent. My godson who is three had his very first camping experience was absolutely delighted with Chilao. He climbed around the boulders, explored the vicinity of our space, ate s'mores, hot dogs, sat around the fire, watched the stars, and collected pine cones and rocks. He could not have been any happier. We will both surely never forget this fantastic little trip. We saw blue jays, crows, squirrels, chipmunks, and a couple of red tailed hawks. The forest has come back since the Station Fire and looks much better than it did the last time I was here approximately two years ago when it looked like Downtown Grozny. It was a fine night to go to Chilao. The temperature was in the 60's all night and the moon and stars were just breathtaking. Instead of the sleeping in the tent, I put my air mattress in the middle of a clearing so I could get a better look at the stars and planets. I turned on a little Frank Zappa and had some cold ice water and crashed. I woke up at 4AM and took a leisurely two hour stroll in the moonlight. The burned trees in the moonlight reminded me of skeletons and the purple flowers of the poodle dog brush glowed like they were under a blacklight. The forest looked hopeful and like a war zone simultaneously. An owl's call and some crickets were the only sounds in the canyon. I went to some intense boulders on one end of the canyon south of the park and climbed to the top of the stack and carefully observed what was going on around me. Life can be exceedingly disappointing when you look at the big picture, but very grand indeed because of times like this.

Miller is for Fuckheads

Miller, the embalming fluid of beers, ought to be ashamed of themselves for sponsoring the Tools For Success Graduation award in our local community college automobile programs for several reasons. Firstly, the Miller Brewing Company produces dangerous, sub-standard products that contribute to numerous automobile accidents on a daily basis. Miller Beer is involved in hundreds if not thousands of automobile collisions every year and many of them are fatal. Alcohol manufacturers and automobile technology and repair should be mutually exclusive. Instead, we should force the alcoholic beverage industry to retrofit every existing automobile with an ignition interlock device and force the automotive industry to make this a standard feature on all new cars. Secondly, Miller targets the Tools for Success program at Latinos. Alcohol is simply a poison for people who are mestizo or indigenous with almost no exceptions, instantly addicting and frequently fatal. It is a terrible idea to drink any alcohol whatsoever if you are of Mexican descent. It is clearly a genetic condition that does not allow us to drink alcohol in moderation and without horrible consequences like other people. Miller should be ashamed of giving free tools away, and the winners should be ashamed of taking them. It is like targeting a group of people who are at risk of cancer and giving them a catalyst. Finally, community colleges are not an appropriate advertising platform for alcoholic beverages or other mind altering drugs. If anything, it should be a platform for educating people about the dangers of alcohol. Public schools should not participate in the program or allow Miller to distribute applications and paraphernalia with the Miller logo to its students or set up displays on campus. I know that it may seem like a big great philanthropic deal to have an alcohol manufacturer award a full cabinet of tools to an outstanding graduate of an automotive technology program, but if you consider it for a while, I am sure you can see how deceptive Miller truly is.

Bathroom Buddies and Park Pals at Ferndell

Almost every time that I have used the men's room here I have either been propositioned for sex by some deviant or a plainclothes LAPD Detective attempts to strike up a conversation with me when I am smack in the middle of urinating. I understand that people be horny, and cops got a quota to meet, but I am trying to take a piss before I start running on the trail, not engage in mutual masturbation in a shithouse at the park. Hey guys, there are these things called bathhouses all over the City where you can get your lewd conduct on to your heart's content, legally. The restroom here is not a motel, and I would like to remind certain people that it is fifty feet from the playground.

Lawrence Welk was an asshole

A lot of Poles come into my work and inevitably I start talking about food with them. I mention that I have been here and to the other more somber Polish restaurant in Santa Monica. They all tell me that Polish food in Los Angeles is marginal at best, and if you want to get some good Polish food, you have to go over to someone's house. One lady told me that Polka serves Polish food cooked by Guatemalans. I am waiting for an invitation. I came here and got a plate that had stuffed cabbage leaves, sausage, and about four or five other different things. The owner was really friendly, and offered me a can of beer. The food was prepared ahead of time, but it was tasty. I enjoyed each and every dish. When I read Yelp reviews from cities in the Rust Belt with a great selection of Eastern European restaurants I am green with envy. But this place is pretty good. Five stars? En tus suenos, guey! I had no idea that disgusting turd Guy Fieri did a show here. Someone needs to stuff an apple into that pig's mouth. Guy is the worst thing to happen to entertainment since the invention of the snuff film or perhaps the birth of Robin Williams. The cavalier way that he peddles that unhealthy lifestyle to America directly causes thousands of heart attacks annually. He is the younger, male version of that fat pig Paula Deen who's true crime is not being a racist (cause we all knew that anyway) but promoting a lifestyle of death to America on television. The Food Network has killed more Americans than Al Qaeda!

Roxsan

I come in here once a month to pick up medication for a close friend of mine who no longer drives. I have always been treated well by the staff here and have never experienced any problems. They have a contract with Los Angeles County Department of Health, and if you are enrolled in one of those programs, you will get your meds at zero cost. I see a lot of very wealthy junkies getting their legal fix here and notice they have a compounding counter. Additionally, lots of women who should never be having children because they are way too fucking old, have withered, yellow fallopian tubes, and are inviting birth defects seem to come in here for fertility medication. Some people obviously never read Mary Shelley. In comparison with other chain pharmacies in the area, this place rocks.

COS

America was founded by religious malcontents, indentured servants, slaves, convicts, and con men. This is an amicus curiae review for the COS. Nobody has any right to talk shit about these people's beliefs. Scientology is no stranger than Catholicism, only the last time I looked Tom Cruise was not a pederast. I am sure they have their share of members who are no angels like any other group. It is no stranger than the Quakers. Science fiction is not too far removed from Middle Eastern Tribal Fiction. I realize that it makes for an exciting news story to attack someone else's religion. I'm not signing up for a ticket on their space ship, just saying it is deplorable to fuck with people over what they choose to believe.

Norm!

When I want a real Club Sandwich, I come here and order one with extra bacon and some avocado. Thousand Island Dressing on the side. I ordered a Club at Cora's Cafe in the beginning of the summer, and I was a little disappointed. Not because their $16.00 club sandwich was bad or anything, but it had the addition of goat cheese and was served on an Italian Roll and had no resemblance to any club I ever saw. As you know, an authentic club sandwich has three slices of toasted white bread spread with a little mayo, turkey, bacon, tomato, and lettuce. The sandwich is secured with four toothpicks, and cut into 4 triangles. I also ate a club-like sandwich in May at Mendocino Farms which I also enjoyed, but it too was lacking a third slice of bread, was not cut into triangles, and was not authentic either. Norms has the authentic Club Sandwich down pretty well. Real sliced turkey breast roasted in the kitchen, not that shitty turkey roll made from a slurry of chopped up turkey beaks, gizzards, and assholes. The avocado is perfect. They don't monkey around. Finally, the service in this proletarian coffee shop is exceptional! The servers, hostesses and cashiers at this particular location all make you feel comfortable in surroundings that have not changed for decades. My review is exclusively for the Club Sandwich. A lot of reviews about this place mention that weirdos hang out here. It takes one to know one.