Friday, May 2, 2014
Caballero Canyon
Caballero Canyon trailhead is located 3 miles south of the 101 on Reseda Blvd. There is ample parking at the trailhead which is surrounded by a gaggle of insidious stucco and drywall mini-mansions that should have never been built. In fact, next time the canyon goes up in flames, invite me over so I can toast some marshmallows. Anyway, the trail I took goes off to the left as you walk down the embankment. It is not too steep, but I was surprised to find quite a bit of shade which must come in handy in August when Tarzana feels like beautiful Downtown Brawley. The trail is rather short, just a little over 1.5 mi, but there are options to extend the length once you reach the top with just a little caveat which I will soon explain. I saw some Scrub Jays, Ravens, and Robins. Lizards out warming themselves on the rocks. Sycamores in the canyon down below. Oaks, but not ancient ones. Some nice giant boulders. When you get to the top, lo and behold: giant earth moving machines carving up yet another subdivision in the beautiful and sacred Santa Monica Mountains. The roar of a behemoth bulldozer tearing up the hillside and that abomination of a backhoe digging trenches to accommodate conduits of shit and electricity for more Mc Mansions. I sure wish it were not a felony to vandalize heavy construction equipment or I would put some Karo GMO Cornsyrup into the fucking gas tanks and dirt into the crankcase. Perhaps even drain out the oil and puncture the hoses. A nice view of the San Fernando Valley and a great view of Topanga State Park looking south. I hope all of the co-conspirators who issued building permits, the architects and contractors that designed and constructed these abominations, and the people who occupy the houses know that they are going to the deepest ring of Dante's Inferno for destroying this once beautiful section of the Santa Monica Mountains.
I recommend listening to Judas Priest Screaming For Vengeance while running on the way down. Full fucking blast!
I recommend listening to Judas Priest Screaming For Vengeance while running on the way down. Full fucking blast!
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The coastline from Newport to San Onofre is arguably the finest stretch of oceanfront real estate in the entire world, and if not the finest, it certainly ranks among the top ten. Laguna can only be described as jaw dropping from Corona del Mar all the way down to Dana Point. Upper Newport Bay is one of the most fantastic estuaries in the world. It is a rookery for many different species of birds. It is a breeding ground for fish, anaerobic bacteria, invertebrate, and crustaceans. There is a lot of cool flora and fauna contained therein. Except every 15 minutes a fucking jet takes off at and insanely steep angle from John Wayne Airport polluting the back bay with jet noise and fumes which are not healthy for humans, animals and other living organisms. Big Duke Wayne killed our Indian brothers, he burned their villages and raped their mothers. They should never have named an airport after him. An acquaintance of mine who is a commercial pilot told me that when you do a steep take off and stop the throttle after it gets to a certain altitude so that the engine noise does not disturb the wealthily residents below in Newport Beach and Corona Del Mar, it makes the plane more susceptible to mechanical failure.
The intertidal at Laguna and most of the South County Beaches with kelp forests are world class diving spots with underwater scenery you will not likely forget unless you go into a deep coma or a vegetative state. Garabaldi, white and black sea bass, urchins, calico, and the other usual cast of underwater characters abound.
Brea Canyon, Trabuco Canyon, O'Neil and Casper Regional Parks, and the South County Beach Campgrounds are without exception all 5 Star.
If I could demolish every man-made structure in the County including the Bear Country Jamboree and Tomorrowland, the Crystal Cathedral, insidious Mc Mansions made of ticky-tacky, toll roads, free roads, interstates, freeways, airports, and absolutely everything with commercial value then sign me the fuck up. I am also in favor shoving an entire Mrs. Knott's Fried Chicken Dinner up a lot of Christian's assholes. Please Let me know where Walt Disney is buried so I can go piss on his grave. He created generations of money grubbing twats with unrealistic and foul princess aspirations.
I never felt welcome here and OC makes me feel schizophrenic. If there were no legal consequences, I would not stop until there was nothing left there but rodents, reptiles, birds, fish, deer, coyotes, bobcats and mountain lions. If I had a time machine, I would have done some great acts of sabotage and prevented the cowardly and brutal murder of poor defenseless Kelly Thomas by dispatching the Cyclops and fat Mexican asshole responsible for that heinous criminal act. While I am not threatening the jurors that acquitted those cops, I hope all those fuckers die of HIV/AIDS. If there were no people and Orange County was a giant State Park, I would have a considerably more positive opinion of the place and would offer it the highest rating possible.