Friday, March 28, 2014

Kia Sedona: About the Shittiest Vehicle I Have Ever Driven

This review is based on the 2012 Kia Sedona minivan that I have been driving for the last month for work.  I have never driven another Kia product, and am not likely to ever drive one again if I can possibly avoid it.   This vehicle is an absolutely worthless, reprehensible, rolling hunk of shit.  I can't believe that it went into production.  

Firstly, I feel like a pedophile driving this thing around.  Even my daughter told me that when I drive it I look totally like a sex offender.  Then, expect about 11 miles per gallon.  Not bad for a 1974 Buick Electra, but for a modern vehicle without a V-8, it is merely comical.  Who the fuck designed this thing?  It runs and drives like some team of jackass engineers from Pyongyang reverse engineered a Toyota Previa.  It could quite possibly be the same team that reverse engineered a second generation SCUD into the Nodong Ballistic Missile.  It handles worse than a Yugo with two flat tires.  Once again, this thing is not just bad, but horrid.  Nothing is where it should be.  When you try and adjust the radio, it is inevitably going to cause a hazard.  The controls are placed so randomly it defies one's imagination.  On a real car made by real engineers like the Mazda Miata, all the controls are where they are supposed to be.  These guys should have taken some lessons in functionality from the much more serious and efficient Japanese who make real cars.  Not some tincan minivan made by North Koreans and one armed men like this thing.   Then there are the blind spots which make this thing truly unsafe.  It would make a good van to transport clowns to and fro the circus.  The Koreans seem to do a lot of things correctly, but they should really stay out of the automobile business.

Whiz


3901 W 6th St
Los Angeles, CA 90020
(213) 249-9449

Whiz  

Not being from the East Coast, the word Whiz has different connotations to me so I was reluctant to enter this place.  Additionally, I am on a special diet that consists of 50% fresh vegetables and fruits, 40% Carbs and 10% Protein so I can't be eating like Chris Christie or Kirstie Alley or I am not going to be able to run very far now, am I?  One day per month, I defile the temple that is my body and eat some seriously unhealthy shit.  Today was that day, so I ordered the Italian Stallion Hoagie even though I am not an Italian.   I can usually find something wrong with anything, but this was a sandwich of excellence.  You know, I really felt like I had just smoked crack after I ate that hoagie.