Brand Park Glendale, CA

Brand Park is situated in the Verdugo Mountains in the foothills of Glendale. For the hike to the top, start at the Green Cross statue of the lady and head straight up the hill towards the east radio towers for the easier side and up the fire road behind the doctor's house about a mile up past the landfill and then turn left when you get to the large sycamore tree for the steeper trail. The more challenging side also has a set of radio towers on top and ends at the top of Tongva Peak. It may help some people to wear cleats to get a better grip, but I have no problems using trail running shoes. Both sides are kind of steep and a good elevation gain, but are relatively short hikes. If you run down the fire road to the west of Tongva Peak, it will add a couple of miles to your run or hike (4.1 miles to the parking lot). At the halfway point of the east side, there are benches, and a nice view of Glendale, Burbank, Downtown, Silverlake, and the north side of Griffith Park. Pasadena, Tujunga and La Crescenta are visible when you get to the top and look over the other side. Things to take into account:

There is no shade

There are little gnats, flies and hornets so use DEET

There is no water

Like any hike, you can slip and fall and crack your head open and perish and the plants and animals don't care so just enjoy yourselves and don't take any unnecessary risks.

Superior views on clear days of the San Gabriel Mountains on one side, and the sprawl on the other

Rabbit, squirrel, coyote, and a bobcat or two.

A couple of nice oaks.

This park is filled with cool stuff in general. There is a branch of the Glendale public library and a Japanese tea house, but you probably knew that. The Brand Family graveyard is on the premises as well, and has a very cool pyramid tombstone. There is also a trail with waterfalls that you can access by walking up the asphalt road at the north end of the park, and hanging a left at the drainage ditch at the fork in the road. When you come to a pork in the road, take it.

This is a really good place to eat medicinal mushrooms and is super cool when it rains! The park closes at 10PM.

Bomb Bibm Bap

Jeon Ju 2716 W Olympic Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90006 (213) 386-5678

I have come back here a couple of times since my first visit and am impressed at all of the healthy lunches available at this place. You can come in here and eat a ton of clean, healthy, nutritious food and leave feeling fortified and grateful. One can never be too careful about preventing poison and foreign substances from being introduced into your precious bodily fluids so you had better eat right! There are 4 vegetarian bibimbap dishes on the menu, but the best by far is the namul bibimbap with nine kinds of vegetables including mushrooms. Or maybe it is only seven vegetables, but it is a lot of fucking vegetables in that hot stone bowl, that is a fact. Misers rejoice-it is flavorful, filling, and under ten bucks. The banchans here rock, today we were given eight varieties, all of them worthy of seconds. But what really sets this place apart are the wonderful women who work here and the awesome service.

Providence Seafood Restaurant - Fuck all that Avant Garde Shit!

Everything was lovely from the moment we walked in the door. We ordered the wonderful 15 course tasting menu, and my wife got the wine pairing which she said was excellent. It was all going peachy until I got an anaphylactic shock from the sea urchin and my face swelled until it looked like a bruised fruit. Thank goodness I had an Epi Pen at home. I was especially fond of the cheese selection. Overall, the food was interesting but prepared with some serious overkill. I like simple fresh seafood with a minimum of preparation and ingredients much better than this avant garde shit. I would not come back here unless someone else were paying, but I truly enjoyed the experience. If it were my birthday, I would rather go to Pa Ord!

A Fly on the Wall at the Pacific Dining Car

If I were reviewing the breakfast exclusively, I would have given them a perfect rating. The banana and pecan pancakes, Eggs Blackstone, fried potatoes, and the muffins are spectacular. The breakfast cooks know how to cook your eggs a perfect over medium or however you desire them and the coffee is first rate. The steaks are just plain hunks of dead, unseasoned cow flesh and that $55.00 price on the menu makes you think surely they must jest. On a brighter note, the creamed spinach is one of my favorite sides anywhere and the fried potatoes are similar but not identical to the ones that come from my own kitchen. If you are alcoholic, you can get a proper but expensive fix here. If you puke on your shirt in the bathroom, nod off on percocet, if the prostitute you came in here with starts to become belligerent and loud, or you and your friends are coming down slowly from acid, they aren't going to mind. Your money is still green here. Lots of high powered attorneys, judges and other assorted assholes routinely clog their arteries with Hollandaise Sauce in this dining room. If you were a fly on the wall, you would find this place very entertaining.

Lake Cachuma - So Close to Santa Barbara Yet So Far From God

I shroomed here with my brother before he died. Nice lake and decent campsites, although they are pretty close together. The people next to us seemed to be tweaking pretty hard, and turned their campsite into a kind of fortress. They used firewood and ice chests to wall themselves in and then left abruptly at 3am. You can walk around the lake and fish but not swim. Better options are available nearby on the coast but the lake is pleasant.

If You Get Stuck In Bakersfield….

Eat at WoolGrower's Restaurant. You will not regret it for a moment.

This is a very good place to stop if you are ever heading up the 99. The food is homestyle, and everything is made from scratch. You can get a very stiff drink at the bar while you are waiting or select from a few proletarian beers in the bottle or can. This is not a white glove establishment, but the garlic fried chicken and the roast lamb are solid bets, the portions are large, and you can have as many beans, refills of salad, bread, tomato salsa, and garlic tongue as you like. It is reminiscent of Centro Basco in Chino, but the atmosphere here is way better. You can get some extras with your meal such as a piece of cheese. The service is really friendly. Overall, this place is a very good time.

Phillip's BBQ Motherfucker

I think Phillip's pork ribs, links, and rib tips are the best I have tasted in Los Angeles. I lived in Houston for a short while, and can verify that Phillip can hold his own (Phillip is from Louisiana). The beans are good, but I don't come here for the sides. I take the meat home, and we make our own potato salad and coleslaw.

The pork ribs with the HOT SAUCE (with whole arbol chilies in the sauce) are so good that I could just keep eating until the entire rack is gone. You can go ahead and pour the sauce directly in my mouth. The pork ribs are smoky all the way to the bone, trimmed of excess fat and seasoned with plain salt and pepper to highlight the goodness of the meat. The sliced beef links and are a bit grainy, have a nice kick to them, and are wonderful smothered in the (HOT) sauce and scooped up with a piece of plain white bread and helped down with some strong, cold IPA. I used to drink Rainer Ale with this at one time.

I have been buying meat here for many years and it is not the slightest bit sketchy, and it is not in the "ghetto". The location on Crenshaw and Adams used to be Leo's, but now that Phillip took it over, the quality is A+ #1! I just dare you not to eat a rib on the way home. I double dog dare you!

Miso Careful- Maison Akira Pasadena, CA

Dinner here was wonderful and the chef exceedingly talented, but classically uptight Japanese with an I have to be too careful mentality. I enjoyed most of the courses brought to the table for the Epicurean Menu, but they were a touch restrained for my palate. The amuse bouche was just cock awful, reminiscent of something they try to deal free samples of at Trader Joe's. It was like a piece of bland chicken sausage on top of shredded iceberg lettuce with plum sauce on top. I was happy that it was not a harbinger of what was to come.

The next course was dashi poached shrimp with a green vegetable puree with a hint of yuzu, smoked salt, sweet black beans, and pickled carrots. This plate was almost too pretty to eat, but I got over that and after finishing it off, I thought that something was missing. The freshness of the ingredients was evident in this and every other dish of the evening, but I did not consider it to be outstanding. Competent, restrained, neutered, perhaps?

So this guy fed emperor Akahito his signature seabass. How fucking special. I would have been more impressed if he had served it to Idi Amin, or maybe Kim Jung Il. I did like the fish very much. The miso marinade was out of this world good, and the fish oily and perfectly cooked, all two (2) ounces of it. The couscous that it was placed on top was as boring as sitting through the last five minutes of an elementary school day. I am sure this guy could pull something out of his toque that was a little more imaginative to substitute for the couscous.

The foie gras with stewed daikon, pear, and potato crisps (at least I think those were potatoes) was flawless. I have a perfect solution for people who think it is cruel to eat this substance-go mind your own fucking business and don't eat it. That Lance Armstrong has a lot of ball starting fights over foie gras, I tell you.

I opted to spend an extra $10.00 to upgrade to the Kobe (Snake River Farms) 6oz. New York. and would suggest that you do the same. It had a Cabernet demi reduction that we have all eaten a million times before, but Akira makes this dish shine. Comes with restrained vegetables. If you order this cooked higher than rare, then I am going to resort to name calling.

The sorrel soup. This was not something I would have on the menu if I ruled the world.

Flourless chocolate cake and espresso ice cream exceeded my wildest expectations. Bravo!

My wife ordered escargots, crab flan special with grilled eggplant and tomato, wine, more wine, a Mexican shrimp mushroom dish, a salad with pears and walnuts, and a kir royale. She particularly enjoyed everything. I think more than I did.

Finally... the service. I don't really dine out for the service personally, but it was spotty here. Friendly, but spotty.

Sam's Hofbrau - A Nice Place to Lose a Leg or Two or Three

Having worked in the Pico Union neighborhood for the past fifteen years, I had often wondered where all of the street prostitutes working James M. Wood Blvd. went to retire. Well, after discovering Sam's Hofbrau, I finally found my answer. I find the sex industry to be pretty repulsive. Once you have seen one trashy skank that smells like tobacco smoke, rancid panocha, alcohol, and halitosis you have seen em all. But this is more than a puke-stained club filled with defective sex workers. It is a monument to filth and bad taste that serves up cheap beer, BBQ beef sandwiches, chili dogs, and haunting images that your mind will never erase. Violence can easily break out at this place. Be cautious. Alas, I am not daring enough to eat here. Sam, you have an odd sense of humor, but I likes you anyway.

El Parian and Corn Tortilla Art

This restaurant is the closest you will get in LA to a typical Mexican lunch joint in Jalisco, where my lovely wife happens to be from. My office is around the corner, and I can tell you that in the 10+ years I have been eating here, the quality has been consistently wonderful, the waitresses and owners friendly, and the beer ice-cold. When you walk in, take a look at that woman making corn tortillas from scratch. Those tortillas are going to arrive at your table piping hot, ready to be rolled up with beef, pork or goat just like at the real El Parian restaurant in Tlaqepaque, Jalisco. And the food is just as good! I think it is most appropriate to begin with the goat, or birria del chivo, because it is hands down, the best dish on the menu. The full order is not too much, and it is possible to tell the waitress what part of the goat you want just like in Mexico. I like the rack and ribs myself, and usually order it with the consomme on the side. The goat is slow cooked in the oven, smothered in chili and garlic, and basted with the pan juices. It has a more pronounced flavor than lamb, somewhat more gamy, but just delicious. Because of my middle age and concerns about my health, I try to eat red meat a couple of times a month at most. Funny, even though I can afford a prime dry aged steak at Nick and Stef's, I would prefer a serving of goat from here any day of the week. I scoop up the meat in a homemade corn tortilla, put a little of the vinegar-based chili sauce and onions on top, and dip it in the consomme. It is awesome and they will bring you endless consomme. I do wish they had the cabeza del chivo, but no luck so far.

The asada plate is a nice piece of marinated strip steak cooked on the charbroiler to order served with beans, rice, and pico de gallo. It is a delicious piece of meat, and is enough for 2 people as a main course. I think that you should order it medium well. It is enough for at least ten tacos. Top quality indeed.

Carnitas are competent, but at times a bit greasy. One full order is huge and my only complaint would be that they don't have the entire pig, it is just the shoulder or the leg. I like the trompa, lengua, costillas, and cuerito. They don't have it here, but if you like carnitas, these ones kick ass. They are crispy, and well seasoned and one order gets you 10 tacos. It is a good deal.

Finally, if you are into menudo and pozole, the ones here are just like your Mexican mother in law makes every time there is a party. The menudo is Jalisco style, meaning no hominy. Order it con pata, and they will put a pig's foot in your bowl. Highly recommended. Pozole will come with tostadas and vegetables, and is loaded with meat.

They will serve you as much beer as you want unless you act like an asshole. I suggest that you have a bottle of ice-cold Bohemia in your hand for the entire meal. It makes me truly happy to see non-Spanish speaking people eating here instead of El Torito and other places where the cooks shit on a plate and call it Mexican food.

Wholesale Bro Fish - LA Fish Company 4th and Stanford

I feel very sorry for this company given that a large portion of their wonderful seafood used to come from Japan. But as the other reviews attest, this is one of the finest places for any great chef who knows their FRESH seafood. How fresh is the fish? Pretty fucking fresh. It is because of the confidence they have in the freshness of their product that it is all there on ice for you to inspect, smell, feel, and buy.

Having worked at a Japanese restaurant for a few years, I am readily familiar with selecting fresh seafood. You are going to want to look at the eyes, gills, and the color. You are going to want to pick up the fish, if possible, and smell it. If you know nothing about fish, the excellent staff here will be happy to assist you.

This is a wonderful place to bring your well behaved children who are interested in cooking. It is truly exciting to see a 200 LB Tuna on the cutting board and something that I would have given an eye tooth for as a child. Keep in mind, though, that this is primarily a commercial place, so don't bring your kids if they are little shit asses.

I usually purchase Pacific fish from the closest place possible. Some of my favorites include the various rockfish species, corvina from Santa Barbara and the Channel Islands, Scorpion Fish, California Halibut, Albacore, Mahi Mahi,. and Yellowtail. I have never been disappointed here.

When you come in, they will tell you what species of fish are on the ice and invite you to inspect them. There is also a white board in the first room with all the processed fish and frozen seafood in stock and the prices. There is a price/product list on the internet or available at the window. When you are ready, tell the guy what you want and have him cut it for you if you wish. Then go to the window and pay. Your stuff will be placed in a box with ice for the ride home. Keep in mind that you have to buy the whole fish. They will not sell you a pound or two unless you get filets.

The Salvadorean Contribution to World Cuisine

I bet a lot of people go to eat at Salvadorean Restaurants because they may sound exotic. Sadly, the Salvadorean contribution to world cuisine, the pupusa, is a tasteless hockey puck of griddle cooked masa with cheese and pork skin that could easily be used to fill a pothole. A good pupusa is not even as good as a bad homemade tortilla! I have been to El Salvador previously, and if you are at Playa La Libertad ordering fish and lobster fresh out of the water and washing it down with cold Supremas, you are eating the very best food available in this little country. The comida tipica, which you will get at El Migueleno and most other Salvadorean restaurants however, is terribly bland and disappointing. A typical Salvadorean meal consists of lard fried plantains, refried black beans, cream, pupusas, curtido and some Pollo Campero if you are lucky. It is a nice meal, I suppose, if you have to fuel up for the day. I could go on and on about how bad the food is, and how bad it is in most of Central America in general, but at least the beer is cold and the people are wonderful.

Finally, while I jest about Salvadorean food, I feel that the people of El Salvador are fantastic and courageous and feel that Los Angeles is lucky that so many people from El Salvador have come here over the years. Overwhelmingly, the Salvadorean people that I have met are friendly, hard working, resilient, tolerant, and gracious. They are also very brave and have overcome civil war which testifies to that courage. I have visited El Salvador, and can attest that the places that I went were unforgettable. I reject any talk of racism towards my Salvadorean brothers and sisters and I am only poking gentle fun at the pupusa.

Polygamist Pussy and Picking the Park Clean

This morning, I went for a run in Griffith Park and during my descent, I encountered a group of 400 Mormons in the picnic area near Ferndale. They were all preparing to remove litter from our beloved park. It was really touching to me. Bless them. I don't see too many other groups of any kind organizing to clean the pizza boxes, cigarette butts, plastic bottles and dog shit off these magnificent trails in this oasis from the boobery of Los Angeles proper. But in addition to giving a helping hand to a park in need, I can attest that the Mormon neighbors that I have had were all stand up people. This country was founded by three groups of people: convicts, religious malcontents, and people who had pretty much burned things out in their countries of origin or enslaved by them. Every time I hear someone say something negative about Romney and or the Mormons, may I remind you that the talking snake in Genesis is equally strange as anything that the Mormons or any other religious group believes. Don't call the kettle black. Also, it may do you some good to abstain from alcohol periodically. And tobacco. And it might also be a good idea to have some real family time. Maybe you too could set aside some time with your wives and have a rad four-way. And maybe your church, temple or mosque could go clean up our park once in a while.

Fuck Pfizer

Pfizer manufactures substances which: 1) are not safe for human consumption 2) make tens of thousands of people choke on their own vomit 3) cause physical dependency 4) cause mental anguish 5) get the full approval of the Federal Government 6) generate hundreds of millions of dollars in profits annually

This review is specifically for Xanax. While most people that take them will not develop a full blown addiction, others may quickly become zombies and eventually overdose. Most Xanax addicts are poly drug abusers, but Xanax is by far the most insidious drug in their routine. Want to stop? Good luck. Do you want to spin the roulette wheel?

This week, another close friend lost her life and I am confident that the Coroner will determine that Xanax was the cause of her death. She probably got her first prescription back in the early 90's. Within a couple of years, her anxiety persisted, the bizarre behavior increased, there were brushes with the law, attempts to dry out, and was always back to taking huge quantities of these pills. Being one of the 10 most popular prescription drugs in the US, it is not a difficult task to get almost any doctor to write you a prescription. She enlisted a lot of unsuspecting doctors in three different counties to get a lot of pills. It was easy and cheap, and ultimately deadly. And her insurance company paid for it all. I want to reiterate that it never worked for anxiety at all but it was the proximate cause of death of a unique person, one who a lot of people cared about, who we have lost forever.

If you have anxiety or lack happiness in life, a pill is ultimately not going to help you. Xanax has no medical value whatsoever, and Pfizer knows this. But hey, it sure is profitable. As long as everyone is getting their beak wet, they are going to continue to manufacture this poison.

Z Plane, Boss; Peacocks, Peacunts, and Flowers

Oh boy, do I love the Arboretum. Sunset Magazine has some of its test gardens here, and while lately it seems paper thin, I still enjoy reading the articles and it makes me proud to be from the West. The greenhouses here are awesome, as are the succulents, roses, and the landscape architecture in general. Flowers sing to me. Especially while shrooming. Their petals, pistils, and stamen overwhelm my brain and then my body with waves of happiness and tranquility. The greenhouses with the tropical plants with the necessary temperature and humidity controlled environment is one of my very favorite places to while away the hours.

The fountains at the entrance are serene even when it is hot enough outside to cook an egg on the sidewalk. Fantasy Island, a coke-fueled B television series from the 1970's had its opening scene filmed here. Despite starring as Mr. Roark in an absurd TV show, and a villain on Star Trek, Ricardo Montalban attended our church, The Church of the Good Shepherd, and was a very decent gentleman. He always had time to greet me and extend his hand in genuine friendship. I think what happened to Herve Villechaize is terribly sad. The only midget I know is this little asshole named Leroy. If I weren't such a high class motherfucker I would punt him like a goddamn football.

The peacocks are dazzling, and your kids are going to love them unless they are wankers or videogame addicted shitasses. In the Spring, there is an insect exhibition where all kinds of specimens are on display. If insects and their relationship to human society fascinate you, then you should not miss this show. There is a small admission charge, and there are plants on sale at very reasonable prices.

Fuck you and your Casita Mexicana. Best Mexican restaurant in town my hairy bean bag.

I came down here the other day and was waiting to get a table. My wife noticed my aunt eating lunch there. She worked for Aeromexico for many years and is from Chiapas, so I took it as a good sign that she was eating here. I exchanged formalities with her, and eagerly awaited the menu. Out of all people, my aunt Dorita would know good Mexican food. In a nutshell, the food was quite disappointing. Don't get me wrong, this place is tasty, but not exactly the holy grail, especially if:

1) You happen to be Mexican and someone in your family is a good cook. 2) You are married to a Mexican whose family cooks well. 3) You know someone who is Mexican and is a good home cook and they had you over 4) You have traveled in Mexico and eaten a lot of good food (both street and restaurant food).

The ingredients and the overall quality of this place are much higher than let's say 90% of Mexican places in the county, but it is by no means the #1 best. I read some article in LA Magazine, I think it was, that rated this place #1 in LA. No way, assholes.

I had the cecina, chorizo, and asada combination plate with beans, rice, and a bit of cactus salad. I enjoyed it, but the meat was a little cold. The melted queso appetizer was good, but consisted of queso de Oaxaca with a bit of chorizo in there. Nice for folding up into a tortilla, but you can put something like this together for a couple of bucks at home. Homemade tortillas here rock but they would rock if you ate them on the moon. The salsa? Competent and hot. The chips with moles served to you at the outset were my favorite part of the entire meal. My wife got the mole combination. Nice depth in all of the moles, but Guelaguetza is a couple of blocks from me and significantly better in the mole department.

I bet that fat ass Rizzo and all of his cronies used to eat here before they were humbled by scandal. I could just imagine him stuffing chips topped with mole in his greedy mouth and paying for it with a city credit card while the owners preen around.

The place serves good but not great homemade Mexican food but there is no way in the Wide World of Sports that I would go out of my way to eat here again.

Little Sis

Located directly across the street from the most sinister fucking clown you will ever see in your life lies this little gem of an Armenian bakery. The lahmajune here tastes like it was made by the hands of god. I got some of these and ate the first one literally seconds after it came from the massive oven. The dough is so wonderfully light and perfectly cooked, it could bring a tear to your eye. It reminded me of my grandmother's homemade flour tortillas crossed with the dough at Pizza Mozza. The meat and tomato mixture spread on top is well seasoned and has a pretty nice garlic kick to it without being overpowering. My original plan was to take them home but I ended up eating three of them in the car in the parking lot and another on the freeway. They are only 90 cents each. I could just picture getting high and eating thirty or fifty of these treats. We got some other stuff, and I had the chance to briefly talk to the kind and helpful lady behind the counter. She showed me the egg and cheese concoction baked to order on top of some delicious looking dough. Although I don't get over the hill to often, it is places like this that make Greater Los Angeles great.

Mac Arthur Park - Home of the Giant $20.00 Rock

Yesterday, I ordered the legendary #19 at Langer's and opted to walk back to Koreatown instead of using public transportation. I headed up Alvarado, and then West on Wilshire. Over the course of my walk, I was overwhelmed with a sudden deluge of memories from my childhood. As I looked at the dilapidated roof of what used to be the boathouse, I remembered fondly how in the early 1970's my dad used to take me and my brothers here to rent paddle boats. I remembered the other business like Edwards Steakhouse, and the Westlake Theater before it was converted into a filthy and depressing indoor swapmeet. I vividly remember when the American Cement Building was occupied with a public relations firm instead of assorted loft owners that are too terrified to even take their dogs outside to shit and will not even walk over to the subway. Well, by that time, the area was already in a state of decline, but not even close to what was going to happen in the 80's. At one time, this had been a pretty highbrow area. The Park Plaza Hotel, The Bryson, Otis Parsons, and the former Sheraton Town House testify to the area's former glory. But it kind of reminds me today of Chernobyl.

Our family boat rides preceded rock cocaine, false documents, and U.S. military interventions in Guatemala, El Salvador, and Nicaragua. But when I walked by yesterday, I realized that the foundation of the park is still there. The palm trees still thrive and the lake could easily be restored to its former glory. It is a tragedy that children no longer can enjoy those magical paddle boats that once graced the lake. The area clearly offers one of the very best views of the Downtown Skyline and with a Metro Station and the largest concentration of apartments in any area west of the Mississippi. Massive public investment is sorely needed immediately here for urban renewal. The area has been ignored far too long.

Why the City of Los Angeles surrendered this park to the chickenshit criminals that occupy it today is incomprehensible to me. If I were the City Attorney, I would take my fat incompetent ass and focus on cleaning up this area instead of feebly attempting to seek higher office and jousting with medical marijuana dispensaries.