Those Almejas Who Own the Border Grill Piss Me Off

Hire some kitchen workers from Mexico, carefully watch what they cook for the "crew stew", appropriate the recipe and pretend that you are innovative, call it something colorful, put it on your menu, charge rockstar prices, throw in a margarita or two and, voila, you have the Border Grill. And those two cunts that own this place piss me off. I cannot understand why they are treated like royalty.

Fuck This Steakhouse

I wish that many people in my life were equipped with a switch located on the back of their heads where I could shut them down or power them back up at my leisure. I would for sure flip the off switch on anyone who tried to get me to come back to Mastro's Steakhouse. After dinner here last night, I concluded that I am sick of this overpriced and under flavored high end steakhouse horseshit and Mastro's is the last pile of dung that I care to step in. Finished, I tell you. I got a nice bone in filet, which was well aged and cooked a proper medium rare all served on a sizzling platter. Also, some very decent brussel sprouts, sauteed spinach, scalloped potatoes, and a chopped salad. And some oysters Rockerfeller to start out. But I could have bailed out of jail for less money. More than 50 bucks for a steak like this was more like aggravated sodomy than it was highway robbery. The vegetables were good, but very very salty. I felt this meal had so much salt in it that I was being cured like a country ham from the inside. The potatoes as well. I did not know that cheese was the star topping on oysters Rockerfeller. I thought it was supposed to be Hollandaise sauce. The chopped salad was tasty and served in a cold bowl, but it was really a Greek Salad and should be labeled as such. But I want to point out the highlights of this meal. The pretzel bread, and all the breads for that matter were out of this world good. I mean fantastic. The chopped salad was worth every cent of the 12 bucks that it cost. Also, I felt that the busboys and runners were very friendly, kind and professional. Our server was too, but the busboy and the runners attitudes were really impressive. When I was eating my filet, I kept thinking "COLD ROAST BEEF" as in a Stephen King short story. This hunk of beef was just a waste of a great steak. I kept wondering how this thing would have tasted if I had ordered the same cut at Park's BBQ or Solwoon Galbi. I am sure that the Koreans would have converted the filet into something well seasoned, tasty, satisfying and worthy. Grilled over charcoal, of course. American steakhouses need to take their un-imaginative preparations of beef served in mammoth portions and ram it up their snouts. This steak was so anti climactic that I almost felt like I needed to jerk off when I got home.

Intense Anger Towards Diners, Drive In's, and Dives; Nostalgia for Unshaven Bush, and Fab's Hot Dogs

During the late 1970's and early 1980's, I remember the fitness revolution that seemed to be in full force and effect in the Greater Los Angeles Area. I remember the joggers, all those women with unshaved bushes wearing leg warmers in front of Jane Fonda's Workout Studio on Robertson, and even the Exercising Barbie that my sister played with. Okay, I played with it too. I admit it. People were taking quaaludes, going to juice bars, and appeared to be in much better overall shape than they are today. I wish we had that fitness craze going on today and I also wish they would bring back the unshaved bush. A couple of quaaludes wouldn't be too bad either. In this era, I could not have even imagined that a show like Diners Drive Ins and Diabetes would ever be on TV beckoning America to an early grave from diseases of affluence.

I had read about this place on Yelp, but rarely venture deep into the Valley. When I came in, I saw that Guy had been there. I do not like him, Sam I Am. Guy is the worst thing to happen to the entertainment industry since Robin Williams began his career in Hollywood, or perhaps even worse than a snuff film. That is very irresponsible of Guy and the Food Network to show America that it is okay to let your health go to shit.

But when in Rome. I ordered two hot dogs. The Fab Dog with bacon onions and red relish, and then the Cheese Coney, then I went back and got some more. Thirty dollars worth of hot dogs and tater tots later, I guess you gotta stuff an apple in my mouth too. I also got, the Carolina Slaw and then the Hot Polish with fresh Garlic and Jalepenos. My daughter got a veggie dog, and then proceeded to have a Spicy Polish and a Bratwurst. I was a very hungry caterpillar. We are all Guy sometimes.

Bank of America and Peanut Cock

The parking attendant at the Larchmont Branch of Bank of America his great attitude and congenial personality. I came here to cash a Cashier's Check drawn on this bank earlier this afternoon. The teller asked me if I wanted to open an account at Bank of America, and I politely declined. He then asked what institution I use for my banking needs, and I again told him that I was not interested in doing business with Bank of America. He then asked me for my index finger print and my SSN in order to fill out form 8300. He then asked what my occupation was, and I told him I was an executioner at San Quentin. All seemed to be going well until Peanut Cock, the manager came by and asked to see an additional form of identification. I offered him my California Fishing License which is a State Issued form of identification containing my name, address and birthdate. He told me I need my passport, and I was wondering if it was because we were about to go on a fucking power trip. I was correct. Without my passport, he refused to cash the check. So I went back home, brought it back, and eventually I got my money but suffered the indignity of having to deal with Peanut Cock (note: I am using the word "cock" in an avian context). Dude, I know you want to pretend like you are important because this is the Larchmont Branch, but you are merely a middle-management, check cashing and money changing jockey and a mighty confrontational one at that. I am sure you are also responsible for making customers who use your bank comfortable and happy with the services you offer. So dispense with highbrow attitude and follow your fucking job description and remember that in any retail business, the customer is always right. Hopefully, next time someone gives me a Cashier's Check, it will be drawn on a more friendly bank.

Musso and Frank's and the Stench of Hollywood Ghosts

If nostalgia means puking up gin a few hours after you leave this place along with some toast points, then you are gonna get a hefty dose of nostalgia here. If you do not drink alcohol, and frown on the food available at the Circus Circus Buffet in Reno served by waiters in red monkey suits then you will not want to drop one hundred bucks on Welsh Rarebit. With that said, Mario the bartender will expertly facilitate your drunkening with a martini (with sidecar) by which all martinis should be judged. You can close your eyes and inhale the stench of this old carpet, and you can almost picture W.C. Fields pissing on your leg in the bathroom or Gloria Swanson trying to grab your wiener at the bar.

Fuck those Shit-Stains at Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles

The chicken and waffles here are good, but what really sets this place apart is the fucked up service. I don't want to spend my money tipping people that clearly do not like me. Give me fried chicken, but let me keep my dignity.

California Donuts Uber-Alles

I was so stoned last night I needed some cheap sugar more than anything else in the world. And not just any sugar, but the cheap, deep fried kind that the lovely ladies here at California Donuts use to coat the god-like stuff behind the glass that lure me off 3rd St. like Hansel and Gretel. Sometimes I want cheap refined sugar instead of the natural variety. Sometimes I prefer warm pieces of donut with heavily processed apple filling for under a dollar. Sometimes I get a few of the coconut glazed or maybe an old fashioned or two. I don't get donuts very often but when I do, this is usually the place. California Donuts will surely solve your sweet food jones for a small handful of change and will help you realize the full potential of your inner Lard Ass. Fuck driving to Glendora to get some dumb ass strawberry donut when there is a place like this with real character just around the corner. Everything I have tried has been good, sweet and cheap. I just wish they had a little better coffee. It seems like everyone patronizing this place always seems so happy. The family that does insulin together stays together.

Sapp is for saps

I wanted to try this place a few more times so that I could post a more objective and informed review. While I enjoyed the Jade Noodles, and the ground chicken with basil and garlic with a fried egg on top, I have some bones to pick with this place. Firstly, the portions are miniscule. The som tom that I ordered yesterday was a nice sized amount for a ground squirrel. Seriously, it amounted to no more than a cup and a half of salad for nearly seven bucks. To add insult to injury, the spice level here was strictly amateur hour and it had way too much tamarind in the dressing. I like my papaya salad hotter than hell. H2SO4. H E double L Hockey Sticks. Hotter than Hades. Something so spicy that it would make a Korean cry. This was just plain lame. The Jade noodles were about the best thing I have tried here, but watch out for the pile of sugar contained therein. Shovel a little bit out before you mix them up. Other than the sugar, the duck, crab, pork and Chinese Broccoli are great toppings. Unfortunately once again, the spice level was fit for Romper Room. You should be ashamed to represent that as Thai hot, bow your head in shame, Chef Sapp. The ground chicken here was good but nowhere near memorable. Not a contender. When I got the check, I noticed that I was charged for two orders of Jade Noodles when I only ordered one.

Tam O'Shanter Glorified Swanson Hungry Man TV Dinners for 100 Bucks

I come here on occasion for business dinners. Without fail, the hostess will always tell us that Walt Disney used to sit here. That fucktard was inspired by the architecture here when he thought up Disneyland. The food is bland, a study of mediocrity, a glorified Swanson Hungry ManTV Dinner. Vegetables, especially the creamed spinach, are decent. The place needs a deep cleaning. It smells like the floor of the Viper Room in here.

Pink's, Pink's, You Stink

Getting food here is like being assaulted with a deli weapon. It should be codified in the California Penal Code as a felony. It is absolutely reckless, just insidious to serve this fecal matter to people. Landmark my ass. More like skidmark. Fuck Pink's Hot Dogs!

Beverly Soon Tofu

Some people swear up and down that there is a huge difference among the small handful of soon tofu places in the area. I think that the soup base here is a little richer, and extra spicy is a little spicier than the same version at BCD and the place across the street, but all of these places are excellent. The seafood combination tofu here was under ten bucks, and came with seven banchan choices, and that delicious Korean purple rice. I ordered it extra spicy, and appreciated the inclusion of fresh jalapenos in addition to the heaping portion of red pepper. I love eating healthy, and Korean food is so nutritious and well thought out (as long as you are not stuffing your pie hole with AYCE BBQ). The nutrition that you are going to get from this wonderful tofu, 12 dishes of banchan, two orders of purple rice and a liter of barley tea will do your body good on the trail. I would like to add that this place has some excellent service. The ladies here are wonderful and they really made me feel welcome,comfortable, and happy while eating my lunch.

Joselito's Montrose: The shittiest Mexican Restaurant in Los Angeles

Sometimes when I am on the trail, the music of Pink Floyd touches my soul. Especially songs from the albums Wish You Were Here and Meddle. Some of those songs really speak to me and make running up and down punishing hills an effortless task. The combination of endorphins and those musical notes transport me to happy land. On the other end of the spectrum, I am sure there are millions of folk who's souls are touched by Rush Limbaugh. When Rush speaks on the radio, he is their Roger Waters. Rush makes it effortless for them to carry out their middle management duties in order to make those installment payments on the new refrigerator and the second mortgage. His broadcast is all the parts of Shine on You Crazy Diamond wrapped up into one. It reminds me that to each is own. Some people feel that Rush is a big sack of shit, but to others he is an inspiration. Some people think Pink Floyd sounds like nails on a chalkboard. Some people incomprehensibly think that Joselito's Chimichanga is tastiest fried burrito on planet earth. I guess what I am trying to say is that this place is terrible, even by Montrose standards.

I Hate that Fucking Food Network

The Food Network makes me sick. I see how that corporation is directly responsible for causing diabetes and chronic heart disease in tens of thousands of people. Maybe even hundreds of thousands. It is almost as bad as if the tobacco industry had a TV Station to glorify Marlboro Reds. Instead of inspiring people to eat healthy Italian food, this guy is smearing lard on toast. I wish I could kidnap that bastard and march him along the Pacific Crest Trail starting at 5am every morning and limit his diet to pine nuts and water. I would also require him to groom his facial hair and shave that goddamn pony tail off. With that said, I am glad he met Nancy Silverton because together they make a very good pizza. And those meatballs and chicken liver are pretty good too. Not everything is perfect, but almost everything is. If you arrive at 3:30 on a weekday and sit at the bar you will likely not wait too long and the service will be pretty friendly. I have come here many times and am highly critical about contemporary Italian food and can find nothing to complain about except the employee with the handlebar douchestache. I have also eaten next door, and think the pizza side is a better value.

Drew Winery in Boonville near a redwood grove

Some people, myself included, should never drink alcohol because their genetic code is booby trapped, and inevitably would do far less damage by consuming benzene. But then there are a lot of other people who seem to tolerate the substance well. We came into this place because my wife wanted some wine and it is located next door to one of the best Mendocino County Campgrounds imaginable. This area is awesome. Some guy came out and told us that they were closed, but asked us to come in anyway. He told us all about Pinot Noir grapes and it was very cool to see how passionate the dude was about his profession. I could see the smile on his face and the glint in his eye as he talked about his products. He sold her a bottle of Pinot that he said was named after his grandma and gave her half a bottle of pink wine free of charge. I have been to some other wineries under duress and just fucking hated that movie Sideways. I find the wine subculture to be nauseating and just blanch when someone starts talking Kendall Jackson, but this guy was really nice and the experience was just lovely.

Thai Noodle Soup Rant

You go to a lot of places these days where the chefs seem to forget that every salad began as shoots of green vegetables, a $150.00 Waygu steak with some delicious complicated sauce had an ancestor of bush meat roasted on a stick around a campfire, and soups began out of necessity when a family of Piltdown Men caught a rabbit instead of a deer. I really like soup, and believed that there were maybe ten classic soups. Most of them are really simple, consisting of less than perhaps ten ingredients. More than ten ingredients is a little too much for me. Take for instance, New England Clam Chowder. Clams, onions, celery, salt pork, potatoes, cream, black pepper. French Onion Soup. Veal stock, red onions, butter, olive oil, salt, sugar, pepper, bread and cheese. You can't improve them. The same is true for the others (conch chowder, gumbo, Black bean, Gazpacho, Spanish garlic soup, Lebanese Lentil, Pho dac biet, and finally, Soup du poisson). I guess after eating the CHICKEN LEG NOODLE SOUP WITH EGG NOODLES SPICY for the first time, I guess I have to make it eleven. This is a simple, flavorful, outstanding soup. No truffles, no Jidori Chicken, no nasturtiums, foam, or other debutante ingredients in this soup. Instead, for 6.95, you are going to get two giant chicken legs in a rich chicken stock with perfectly cooked egg noodles, a heap of perfectly roasted, dried red chili, enough garlic to satisfy any Korean, and a handful of bean sprouts. There is genius in simplicity. You will not easily forget this soup.

Boycott the Fuck Out of Pinkberry

I have come to the Little Tokyo location on numerous occasions after eating at Haru Ulala and have customarily ordered the salty caramel flavor. The coconut also tasted pretty good. After the co-founder of Pinkberry, Young Lee got out of his car on a freeway offramp last year and brutally assaulted a homeless man with a tire iron because he was offended at the guy's tattoo, I decided that I was no longer going to be patronizing this place. I urge each and every one of you to think twice before spending money here. Brutality against the most vulnerable members of our society is totally unacceptable. I want to buy dessert at a place where the co-founder stops to ask the name of a homeless person and decides to lend a fellow human being a helping hand. Just think for a brief moment about how difficult life is even for those of us who are not homeless. Those less fortunate than ourselves who suffer from debilitating mental illness and wind up out on the streets deserve our compassion and our protection. Those who brutalize them should spend no less than five years in the Folsom State Pen without the opportunity to make a civil compromise with the victim.

I Dig Leo Carrillo

This campground rocks! If you have children, dogs, or out of town guests, take them here for a night that you will never forget! If you want to hike or run on trails, you are in for a real treat. Start at the Willow Creek Trail head which starts about 20 feet from the front entrance of the park. Hike or run approximately four miles up that hill until you reach a fork in the road. Take a right, and go up to the top of the hill about another 1/3 of a mile. You will be rewarded with solitude, and some of the best views of Malibu imaginable. Red Tail Hawk, ravens, scrub jays, mule deer, and plenty of reptiles will be your companions on this dry, mostly exposed trail that heads through a wonderful canyon, up a ridge, and to pink sandstone steps that will leave you humbled and in awe. This is a great hike to take with children who will appreciate the gradual switchbacks and the exceedingly rewarding view at the top. I did this on Saturday evening and enjoyed myself so much that I could not wait to wake up and do it again on Sunday. I love being able to get a campsite here and then drive into LA to work for a few hours and then head back up the California Coast to this fantastic place to spend the night. Simply put, this is one of the best pieces of real estate anywhere in the world and it can be enjoyed for chump change at this great State Park. There are full facilities here and the beach is just a short walk under PCH and is a great place to explore the intertidal. Campsites are set among oak groves in a canyon, with hiking trails on one side. Despite the proximity to PCH, there is little road noise in comparison to, say, El Capitan State Beach. The canyon and the beach tend to get a little windy in the afternoon, but it tends to die down after a while. The camp store will sell you firewood and beer if you did not exercise care in packing your stuff. The hiking trails are Nicholas Flat and Willow Creek and you can go back pretty far and catch some other trails like Malibu Spring. There are deer, tarantula, morning dove and coyote in these parts, and views of the coast, spectacular canyons, rock formations and smog less blue sky. With fresh ling cod, salsa, beans, tortillas and corn on the cob cooked over the campfire, this great depression we are going through doesn't seem half bad.

Short Order, Short Temper

In the age of $5.00 gallons of gas, how can you get bent out of shape over a $14.00 burger? I am not particularly fond of Nancy Silverton, but I consider Pizza Mozza to be a worthy endeavor, so I was happy to walk by here last night and give it a try. The place was not very crowded and I found the servers to be most friendly and helpful. I ordered the Backyard Burger and found it to be juicy and flavorful with plenty of salt, a nice side of ketchup unlike that half-wit at Father's Office, and spicy mayo (not Siracha, sadly). The bacon was wonderful but not overpowering. The burger arrived perfectly Medium Rare, and the only complaint that I could muster is that the uniformly melted Comte is rather flavorless. This burger was outstanding, but allegedly so are the burgers of many other places in this great metropolitan area. With that in mind, it will be quite some time before I return to this place, but I most definitely will return one day. My wife got the chick pea patty which was considerably more flavorful than the burger. It had fresh, homemade harrissa and a very nice yogurt based sauce on top of two of the most flavorful, crispy falafel patties I have encountered. I do have to declare that it was strange eating this concoction inside of a bun and would have much preferred a pita but it was surprisingly good. She also ordered a very small root beer float. I mean it was so small it looked like it came in a Dixie Cup. And it carried a price tag of $5.00. Finally, the deep fried baked potato pieces are perfect in every way. I am kicking myself for not ordering the sour cream and bacon dip available for an extra $2.00. I came here again the other day and ordered the backyard burger and the regular fries. The burger was very nice and similar to a burger that I would cook at my house but without all the hassle. It was cooked the way I ordered it, and the bun almost held up until the end. I get a burger about once a month, and this one was certainly a treat. The fries were not cold, but rapidly getting there as I was seated upstairs. The ranch dressing was top notch. My wife got a grilled mushroom burger. I suspect she might be a comuniss, because anyone who orders a mushroom burger must hate America. Corn on the cob with cojita and tomatillo salsa was very good. When I got the check, I asked the guy if he could kindly get me a validation, and even though I had just shelled out $20.00 for my burger and fries, he refused and directed me to get it downstairs. When I got downstairs, the guy I asked refused to give me a validation. Maybe he was new or something, and I finally did get my validation, but it raised my blood pressure, made me want to smash things, eat a can of spinach, and run amok.

Santa Monica Seafood

It costs a dorsal fin and a gill to shop here but the $5.00 off coupon in the Los Angeles Times Food Section makes it a bit more tolerable. I have been coming here on a regular basis for the past year, stopping by on my way back home from Topanga State Park. The Pacific Rockfish can be an excellent choice most days. The freshly filleted pieces are very tasty seasoned with salt, freshly ground black pepper, red pepper, dredged in flour and pan fried in peanut or grapeseed oil until they are golden brown. At $8.99 a pound, you can't go wrong. Serve them with lime wedges, a fresh salsa, and some homemade tartar sauce. Yellowtail, shark, ling cod, and local halibut are a pretty good buy as well. The Pacific halibut is the most expensive of these four at $20.00 a pound, but is well worth it. They also have Alaskan Halibut, and Copper River Salmon in season as well as many East Coast fishes if you are a billionaire. If you come on a Monday or Tuesday and get local Pacific seafood, you are going to be mighty happy with your purchase here. All of the guys and gals at the counter and cash register are awesome. I feel like they make me feel very welcome every time I come in and are a big part of why I return so frequently. You and your family deserve fresh, good, clean and healthy food and this is an outstanding place to find it.

Bryan Kest Awesome Yoga

I recently came here again with my daughter for a class on Tuesday morning. I have gone into a lot of yoga places around town and have really wished that I had half an Oki Dog to put underneath the heater so that the people can sense my lack of approval for their phoniness. They may say namaste, but when you see how they treat the cleaning lady or fight you for a parking space over at Urth Cafe, it is enough to induce projectile vomiting. The people at Bryan Kest power yoga are for real. This is a seriously challenging, hardcore workout taught by people who are serene and willing to share true yoga with you. I am no expert on yogic philosophy and karma, but I don't think that studios that engage in litigation and attempt to assert ownership, dominion and control over yoga poses represent true yoga. In my lifetime, I have seen Santa Monica transform from a very compassionate and liberal place into one of the world's most gleaming examples of insidious capitalism. By requesting a donation after class, Bryan Kest Power Yoga may just be the only remnant of that great era in a sea of soulless places like the Border Grill and Design Within Reach.

Haiku to the Ancient Bristlecone Pine Forest

One of those places that exceeds the splendor of anything and everything manmade.

Roach Genocide at United Industries

The cockroach is an amazing animal. Perhaps the most amazing animal on earth. Certainly roach societies are better in many ways than human societies. They are more durable, humane, organized, efficient, and leave far less waste. Most importantly, they work together as a team and do not kill each other. Like the majority of Americans, they also eat garbage. When you see one in your kitchen, you had better believe that there are at least a thousand of them in your crawlspace. Roaches are positively thigmotactic. Think swarm. There are different types of roaches, but my building seems to be infested with the German and Oriental varieties. They are nocturnal. They wait for you to go to sleep and then raid your territory and contaminate your food supply. They watch you. They attack. They are not good for your asthma, either, that is for sure. This company manufacturers boric acid AKA roach kryptonite. It is relatively non-toxic to humans, but to roaches, it is death by chemical warfare. Attack back. Just dust it into your crawlspaces and put a fine layer in the cabinets and all over the kitchen. In a few days, the roaches will have eaten some of the deadly powder and have taken it back to their brethren. Prepare yourself, because for the next ten days, a thousand roaches are going to make a mad dash to your kitchen in a feeble attempt to recover from the effects of the boric acid that you have strategically placed in your kitchen. The Oriental ones will die first, but the German ones are a little tougher vill continue fighting and coming out of der bunker for a couple of extra days. Thanks to United Industries and their wickedly effective roach killer, you can stage your very own cockroach genocide. You can be a real cockroach Pol Pot.

Chill Out

I came here afterwork yesterday and occupied campsite #39 in Manzanita Loop. There were a total of three other parties in the entire campground and the experience could not have been anymore magnificent. My godson who is three had his very first camping experience was absolutely delighted with Chilao. He climbed around the boulders, explored the vicinity of our space, ate s'mores, hot dogs, sat around the fire, watched the stars, and collected pine cones and rocks. He could not have been any happier. We will both surely never forget this fantastic little trip. We saw blue jays, crows, squirrels, chipmunks, and a couple of red tailed hawks. The forest has come back since the Station Fire and looks much better than it did the last time I was here approximately two years ago when it looked like Downtown Grozny. It was a fine night to go to Chilao. The temperature was in the 60's all night and the moon and stars were just breathtaking. Instead of the sleeping in the tent, I put my air mattress in the middle of a clearing so I could get a better look at the stars and planets. I turned on a little Frank Zappa and had some cold ice water and crashed. I woke up at 4AM and took a leisurely two hour stroll in the moonlight. The burned trees in the moonlight reminded me of skeletons and the purple flowers of the poodle dog brush glowed like they were under a blacklight. The forest looked hopeful and like a war zone simultaneously. An owl's call and some crickets were the only sounds in the canyon. I went to some intense boulders on one end of the canyon south of the park and climbed to the top of the stack and carefully observed what was going on around me. Life can be exceedingly disappointing when you look at the big picture, but very grand indeed because of times like this.

Miller is for Fuckheads

Miller, the embalming fluid of beers, ought to be ashamed of themselves for sponsoring the Tools For Success Graduation award in our local community college automobile programs for several reasons. Firstly, the Miller Brewing Company produces dangerous, sub-standard products that contribute to numerous automobile accidents on a daily basis. Miller Beer is involved in hundreds if not thousands of automobile collisions every year and many of them are fatal. Alcohol manufacturers and automobile technology and repair should be mutually exclusive. Instead, we should force the alcoholic beverage industry to retrofit every existing automobile with an ignition interlock device and force the automotive industry to make this a standard feature on all new cars. Secondly, Miller targets the Tools for Success program at Latinos. Alcohol is simply a poison for people who are mestizo or indigenous with almost no exceptions, instantly addicting and frequently fatal. It is a terrible idea to drink any alcohol whatsoever if you are of Mexican descent. It is clearly a genetic condition that does not allow us to drink alcohol in moderation and without horrible consequences like other people. Miller should be ashamed of giving free tools away, and the winners should be ashamed of taking them. It is like targeting a group of people who are at risk of cancer and giving them a catalyst. Finally, community colleges are not an appropriate advertising platform for alcoholic beverages or other mind altering drugs. If anything, it should be a platform for educating people about the dangers of alcohol. Public schools should not participate in the program or allow Miller to distribute applications and paraphernalia with the Miller logo to its students or set up displays on campus. I know that it may seem like a big great philanthropic deal to have an alcohol manufacturer award a full cabinet of tools to an outstanding graduate of an automotive technology program, but if you consider it for a while, I am sure you can see how deceptive Miller truly is.

Bathroom Buddies and Park Pals at Ferndell

Almost every time that I have used the men's room here I have either been propositioned for sex by some deviant or a plainclothes LAPD Detective attempts to strike up a conversation with me when I am smack in the middle of urinating. I understand that people be horny, and cops got a quota to meet, but I am trying to take a piss before I start running on the trail, not engage in mutual masturbation in a shithouse at the park. Hey guys, there are these things called bathhouses all over the City where you can get your lewd conduct on to your heart's content, legally. The restroom here is not a motel, and I would like to remind certain people that it is fifty feet from the playground.

Lawrence Welk was an asshole

A lot of Poles come into my work and inevitably I start talking about food with them. I mention that I have been here and to the other more somber Polish restaurant in Santa Monica. They all tell me that Polish food in Los Angeles is marginal at best, and if you want to get some good Polish food, you have to go over to someone's house. One lady told me that Polka serves Polish food cooked by Guatemalans. I am waiting for an invitation. I came here and got a plate that had stuffed cabbage leaves, sausage, and about four or five other different things. The owner was really friendly, and offered me a can of beer. The food was prepared ahead of time, but it was tasty. I enjoyed each and every dish. When I read Yelp reviews from cities in the Rust Belt with a great selection of Eastern European restaurants I am green with envy. But this place is pretty good. Five stars? En tus suenos, guey! I had no idea that disgusting turd Guy Fieri did a show here. Someone needs to stuff an apple into that pig's mouth. Guy is the worst thing to happen to entertainment since the invention of the snuff film or perhaps the birth of Robin Williams. The cavalier way that he peddles that unhealthy lifestyle to America directly causes thousands of heart attacks annually. He is the younger, male version of that fat pig Paula Deen who's true crime is not being a racist (cause we all knew that anyway) but promoting a lifestyle of death to America on television. The Food Network has killed more Americans than Al Qaeda!

Roxsan

I come in here once a month to pick up medication for a close friend of mine who no longer drives. I have always been treated well by the staff here and have never experienced any problems. They have a contract with Los Angeles County Department of Health, and if you are enrolled in one of those programs, you will get your meds at zero cost. I see a lot of very wealthy junkies getting their legal fix here and notice they have a compounding counter. Additionally, lots of women who should never be having children because they are way too fucking old, have withered, yellow fallopian tubes, and are inviting birth defects seem to come in here for fertility medication. Some people obviously never read Mary Shelley. In comparison with other chain pharmacies in the area, this place rocks.

COS

America was founded by religious malcontents, indentured servants, slaves, convicts, and con men. This is an amicus curiae review for the COS. Nobody has any right to talk shit about these people's beliefs. Scientology is no stranger than Catholicism, only the last time I looked Tom Cruise was not a pederast. I am sure they have their share of members who are no angels like any other group. It is no stranger than the Quakers. Science fiction is not too far removed from Middle Eastern Tribal Fiction. I realize that it makes for an exciting news story to attack someone else's religion. I'm not signing up for a ticket on their space ship, just saying it is deplorable to fuck with people over what they choose to believe.

Norm!

When I want a real Club Sandwich, I come here and order one with extra bacon and some avocado. Thousand Island Dressing on the side. I ordered a Club at Cora's Cafe in the beginning of the summer, and I was a little disappointed. Not because their $16.00 club sandwich was bad or anything, but it had the addition of goat cheese and was served on an Italian Roll and had no resemblance to any club I ever saw. As you know, an authentic club sandwich has three slices of toasted white bread spread with a little mayo, turkey, bacon, tomato, and lettuce. The sandwich is secured with four toothpicks, and cut into 4 triangles. I also ate a club-like sandwich in May at Mendocino Farms which I also enjoyed, but it too was lacking a third slice of bread, was not cut into triangles, and was not authentic either. Norms has the authentic Club Sandwich down pretty well. Real sliced turkey breast roasted in the kitchen, not that shitty turkey roll made from a slurry of chopped up turkey beaks, gizzards, and assholes. The avocado is perfect. They don't monkey around. Finally, the service in this proletarian coffee shop is exceptional! The servers, hostesses and cashiers at this particular location all make you feel comfortable in surroundings that have not changed for decades. My review is exclusively for the Club Sandwich. A lot of reviews about this place mention that weirdos hang out here. It takes one to know one.

Democrats?

I was in Santa Monica yesterday, and I saw the DPLA table and was asked by the nice lady sitting down what I thought about Obamacare. I am all for government subsidized medical care. Obamacare is way too watered down for me. If the personal property of the richest 10% is confiscated and the military budget is gutted like a tuna, then there will be plenty of money for medical care. But Obama care is a poseur program plain and simple. At the outset, my political affiliation is to the left of the left. That is why I cannot remain silent when my party has presided over the largest expansion of domestic spying in the history of the nation. And when confronted with PRISM, and the annihilation of the 4th Amendment, our president lies and makes a feeble attempt to justify spying on us without a warrant and recording our keystrokes and tries to convince us that we are safer as a nation because of it. All that talk about transparency was just a big crock of shit. In addition to being opposed to having the government spy on me, I have also found the extrajudicial murders that the president is ordering in Yemen and Pakistan to be in opposition to my Democratic values. I think that violating international law is not something that the Democrats should be supporting. Drone strikes are war crimes. I was born in the morning. But not this morning. Bradley Manning was convicted in a show trial by a kangaroo court. It is shameful that this happened during this administration. I thought that we voted for Obama to prevent a miscarriage of justice like this from happening. The Snowden affair seems like the perfect opportunity to do away with this bullshit spying, but old wolf in sheep's clothing Obama is acting just like Dick Cheney would if he were given the opportunity. Also, it appears to me that the Obama Administration seems to be making an even bigger mess of the Middle East. We should not be getting involved in other people's struggles. I don't support selling or giving arms to anyone, especially in such a volatile region. Each time someone dies as the result of an American weapon, it creates generations of bad faith and sets the stage for acts of terror directed at our interests. I voted for Obama to avoid this but I feel like he sold me down the river. Whenever I mention these things to fellow Democrats, the best answer they can come up with is that the Democrats are better than the Republicans. They ARE the Republicans. Meanwhile, the war in Afghanistan rages on and we are still the largest arms dealer in the world. Hope my hairy beanbag. I am changing my affiliation to decline to state.

My Oldest Bro

I was driving my car Southbound on Alvarado approaching Temple Street at a speed of approximately 25mph when an elderly man suddenly stepped off the curb and in front of my vehicle. Fortunately, when I hit him, I had slowed down considerably, so the impact, while it knocked him to the ground, was minimal. I immediately stopped the car, and came to his assistance. We walked over to the bus bench in front of the McDonald's, and I offered to call him an ambulance and attempted to give the guy my insurance information. He assured me that he was all right and refused my offers of help and told me that he did not wish to see my license and insurance information. I went on my way, and thought the matter was closed until I got a letter in the mail from the LAPD indicating that my vehicle had been involved in a hit and run, and that some detective wanted me to call them up to schedule an interview. I am old enough to know that you never volunteer any information to the police under any circumstances and that in these cases, they are not there to help you or let you explain things, they are attempting to set up a criminal case against you and you should not say anything to them at all except that you want to speak to your attorney. I called Floyd, who incidentally happens to be my oldest brother, and gave him a copy of the letter. He said that they were just on a fishing expedition, because if they had anything at all, I would have already been arrested. He told me not to be worried at all. He immediately called the detective and indicated to him that there was not going to be any interview. A couple of weeks later, the LAPD asked to photograph the vehicle, so Floyd took it over to Rampart Detectives and they took some pictures of my vehicle. The guy that I hit positively identified my car as the vehicle that knocked him on his carless, stupid ass. The next move of the LAPD was to take my DMV picture and place it in a 6 pack photo line up to see if the guy could identify me. Floyd told me that cross cultural identification was pretty tricky. The guy I hit was from a different race, and it was highly unlikely that he could identify me, he said. He looked at the lineup, and lo and behold, he did not know me from Adam. This is where the matter ended. Do you hear that sound of that Klaxon Horn, detectives? In addition to representing me in the hit and run, Floyd has successfully helped me beat two other bullshit felony vandalism cases. I never expected when we were kids that he would grow up to be the brilliant lawyer that he is today. He has an understanding of the criminal justice system in Los Angeles second to none.

Z Plane, Boss

Oh boy, do I love the Arboretum. Sunset Magazine has some of its test gardens here, and while lately it seems paper thin, I still enjoy reading the articles and it makes me proud to be from the West. The greenhouses here are awesome, as are the succulents, roses, and the landscape architecture in general. Flowers sing to me. Especially while shrooming. Their petals, pistils, and stamen overwhelm my brain and then my body with waves of happiness and tranquility. The greenhouses with the tropical plants with the necessary temperature and humidity controlled environment is one of my very favorite places to while away the hours. The fountains at the entrance are serene even when it is hot enough outside to cook an egg on the sidewalk. Fantasy Island, a coke-fueled B television series from the 1970's had its opening scene filmed here. Despite starring as Mr. Roark in an absurd TV show, and a villain on Star Trek, Ricardo Montalban attended our church, The Church of the Good Shepherd, and was a very decent gentleman. He always had time to greet me and extend his hand in genuine friendship. I think what happened to Herve Villechaize is terribly sad. The only midget I know is this little asshole named Leroy. If I weren't such a high class motherfucker I would punt him like a goddamn football. The peacocks are dazzling, and your kids are going to love them unless they are wankers or videogame addicted shitasses. In the Spring, there is an insect exhibition where all kinds of specimens are on display. If insects and their relationship to human society fascinate you, then you should not miss this show. There is a small admission charge, and there are plants on sale at very reasonable prices.

Can You Tell me How to Get to the Benny Hill Museum?

Virgin Atlantic 5758 W Century Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90045 (310) 215-4345 I decided to visit England a little while ago. I had always been a great admirer of Benny Hill, the most influential Brit of the 20th Century, and I got a good deal on my ticket. The English people seemed pretty friendly. It is too bad that their government consents to being our pet poodle. When I got to London, I dedided to take a little trip over to Brixton. It seemed remarkably similar to one of our own marginalized areas, but I felt safer walking around because fewer people and their mothers carry firearms. I decided to buy some weed, but did not have any references. I asked a friendly bloke, and he told me to head up this street until I reached a pub named "The Plug", at which point I was to make a right and continue walking until I reached the Green Leaf Cafe. He told me to go in and order a Coke from the black geezer inside, and they would know what I came in for. I followed the directions, and arrived at the cafe and ordered the beverage like the guy told me. The guy opened a kettle on the counter, and showed me the merchandise. It was a little steep for 20 fucking quid, but when in Rome. I got to visit the British Museum, and wound up taking three days there alone. The other museums that I visited, such as the National Portrait Gallery and the Tate Modern were awesome as well. I also visited the Tower of London, and Buckingham Palace. That Royal Family is ugly as fuck. If I had all that princely money, I would buy a new face and new hair color. I have no idea what the obsession with these inbred fucks is all about, but it was interesting to see the palace and crown jewels. I thought the cost of food in London was highway robbery. The best deal that you are going to find on food is at the Kensington Farmer's Market. You can get a big sandwich for 2 pounds. Shawerma in Notting Hill is awesome too. As to Virgin Atlantic, all I can say is that I took a smorgasborg of pills before I got on the plane, when I woke up mid-flight, and the balance when I arrived at Heathrow. I have no idea what transpired while we were flying across the pond. But it must have been okay, becuase they were not waiting for me with handcuffs at the terminal. People thought your review was: Useful 4, Funny 5,

Los Angeles Palm

The Palm 1100 S Flower Street Los Angeles, CA 90015 (213) 763-4600 There are a few good items on the menu here such as the lobster bisque, hash browns, sauteed spinach, and perhaps the Gigi Salad. The steaks are slabs of prime beef devoid of seasoning and are priced high enough to make you void your bowels. As for the lobster, if you are a member of the Palm Club, they will send you a coupon halving the price. It is simply grilled lobster. Nothing more, and nothing less. The guy cooking it does not deserve a medal or anything. In fact, if you can light a BBQ and use a knife to slice a lobster that you purchased from the 99 Ranch Market in half, then you can make the same lobster dinner in your own backyard for about $80.00 cheaper. Take a look at all of those assholes with their caricatures on the wall! I would not want to have anything to do with any of them. Ditto with the pumped up heels in the bar area. Famous people, with the exception of Merle Haggard, I do not care to mingle with under any circumstances. This Palm has the same shit on the menu but is far inferior to the West Hollywood location which has a much better ambiance. Both Palms are great places to take out of town relatives, especially if they hail from a hick town like Arbuckle or Red Bluff. Your cousin will never forget the time you took him here and he saw Jean Claude Van Damme doing rails on the urinal.

Raytheon: one of the most deadly companies on earth

Raytheon 235 Wyman St Waltham, MA 02451 (781) 290-0472 When Obama and the rest of the jokers in the military industrial complex decide that they are going to undertake a great humanitarian mission in the Middle East or Southeast Asia, the Raytheon Company, producers of the Tomahawk Missile, will surely reap the benefits of "liberation" and "freedom". The Tomahawk is an all weather cruise missile that is used as a first strike weapon whenever Moe, Larry, and Curly hunker down in the war room and decide to draw another line in the sand. Whoop Whoop. Nyuck Nyuck. Each Tomahawk costs $1.5 Million Dollars. They would have to fire quite a few of these to show those "terrorists" that we are serious. At least enough so that Raytheon, with almost a 25 BILLION dollar revenue in 2012 can exceed it's wildest expectations in 2013. In my short life I have learned that things go far smoother when you shower people with kindness instead of cruise missiles. Shame on all of you otherwise talented engineers who squander your brains to foster death.

El Sangrante Picante

El Sangrante Picante 11th and Union, 90015 Some people say the best carnitas are sold at the truck outside of Shatto Lanes. Some people say that carnitas are all the same. But I know where the carnitas are not lame. El Sangrante Picante. Located on the Southwest corner of 11th and Union, this is clearly the best taco truck I have ever had the pleasure of eating at. The Vampiro here is the Vampiro by which all Vampiros should be judged. It is a true delight, even if you are a big Beaver Dracula. I talked to the owner/cook and he told me that his cousin drives all the way out to Riverside a couple of times per week to pick up a "special" pig that they use to make the carnitas. For the last two weeks of it's life, they feed it a secret diet of "sustainable protein" and beer until it is ready to slaughter. Then, they render it, buche and all, in a big copper kettle and use imported Hinoki wood to make the fire. That combination of special feed and copper kettle make this one exquisite pig who died for a good reason. As the old saying goes, "Hinoki wood is better than hokey wood!" So stuff your taco with porky goodness and douse it with the outstanding green tomatillo sauce with just a hint of fresh epazote. You never finished pork this fast and sloppy since high school. If you are of above average weight and girth, there is an all you can eat option available for $24.00. I know more than a few people who may take advantage of this great deal. I even know one such guy on Yelp who is probably going to write a shitty rap song about it. Get there early because they only cook one pig at a time and it tends to run out pretty quickly. The salsas are all exemplary. The habanero salsa is especially nice. They even give you a free side of pinto beans served in a styrene foam cup similar to the ones served at Mexicali Tacos but with the addition of chorizo made from the special pig. But wait, if you are a vegetarian, they have bloody clam ceviche made with soy clams. Tell the guy at the window "soy almeja" and they will dish it up. Tell them "bien caliente" and point to your belly if you want it extra spicy. Much better than La Cevicheria, but without that annoying sonofabitch that can't keep his pie hole shut. It just doesn't get any better than this. You can get a bootleg video of Matt Damon in Elysium from a guy who's breath smells like mothballs. You can even get a Hello Kitty blanket or a $20.00 rock without any references whatsoever. You can brown bag your fifth quart of Papsmear Blue Ribbon and no one is going to trip. Drinking proletarian brew makes one a Bohemian as does burning a candle in an empty Chianti bottle. It is a real carnival atmosphere. At least it was when I came here. Usually, I don't eat at taco trucks because I don't want to pick up ascaris, but there is something about these people that I trust. Carne asada here makes El Taurino look like Del Fucking Taco bro. The carnitas here are even better than Freebird's. Sadly, there is no special pig. All of those things I described in the above paragraphs are granfaloons. There is no soy anything or any seafood for that matter. As it turns out, this is just a regular, run of the mill taco trailer. It is not even a truck. They sure are good, though!

Sand Dune Park and Cocksucking Relatives

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Dude, the Nuart

Nuart Theater 11272 Santa Monica Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90025 (310) 473-8530 The Hays Code kept explicit sex, foul language, overt drug use, and crime without legal consequences from the silver screen for many years. It was a big deal back then to call Burt Lancaster a Wop in the film entitled The Young Savages. In Double Indemnity, things did not turn out so well for Fred MacMurray who found himself punished pretty severely for his participation in a homicide and insurance fraud. When Frank Sinatra portrayed heroin addict Frankie Machine in The Man With the Golden Arm, it created quite a bit of outrage as it was the first time hard drugs had been featured in a film since the 1920's. It was this film that marked the beginning of the end for self-censorship by the motion picture industry. From this point forward, things quickly transitioned to midget gangbang porn. John Waters Pink Flamingos took what was left of the Hays Code and vomited on it. The film portrayed cannibalism, chicken fucking, dog shit eating, and starred the fantastic transvestite, Divine, the awesome Mink Stole, and the one and only Edith Massey. I laughed so hard in my entire life the first time I saw this film at the Nuart, I almost fell on the floor. It was a life changing moment for me to witness the absurdity of this film on the big screen. What high art! At the 25th Anniversary showing of Pink Flamingos, I actually got to meet John Waters personally. A high honor in my book as I don't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about celebrities. The only movie I have seen at the theater in the last five years was Wolverine, and it represented everything I hate about Hollywood. It was no Pink Flamingos. When other movie houses feature shit like Wolverine in 3D for fifteen bucks a ticket, the Nuart still shows films like Rocky Horror. This place should be declared a California Historical Landmark. I am glad it is still in business.

Sno-cone Porn

Raspados Xpress 5540 Whittier Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90022 (323) 724-1033 On a blazing hot East Los Angeles afternoon, when the temperature makes the jump from 2 to 3 digits, this is the best place on earth. They carry exquisite Mexican snow cones made using fresh fruit, fruit juice, fruit salad, and other healthy, inexpensive treats, I ordered a large pineapple drink and closed my eyes for a moment, forgot about being physically located in a miserable strip mall, and imagined myself on a tropical beach. My drink had lots of pieces of pineapple contained therein. My wife ordered a raspado, esentially a large, glorified Mexican Snow Cone in a large plastic cup. The snow cone was covered in fresh pineapple, guyaba, and lime and was top notch. I will be back to try one of these later. It is refreshing to go to a place where they use fresh fruit instead of heavily processed dog shit. On the way over to this place, I saw a sign at a fast food restaurant advertising their new Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich. What the fuck kind of an abomination is a Pop Tart Ice Cream Sandwich? Whoever comes up with shit like that should be tarred and feathered, buggered at high noon, and run out of town on a railroad handcar. There are places like Raspados Xpress all over Mexico and Huntington Park which is similar to Mexico. I know that other places have shaved ice but raspados are better. Especially in this oppressive heat.

Hollywood Thai, Bro

Hollywood Thai 5241 Hollywood Blvd Los Angeles, CA 90027 (323) 467-0926 Hollywood Thai Restaurant Category: Thai Neighborhood: Hollywood This place is a little bit more formal than some of the other places in the area. The food is just outstanding. And when we came in, it was busy as fuck, but they did not drop the ball and everything was perfectly prepared and nicely spiced. We ordered stir fried fish fillet with herbs, garlic and chili extra spicy. The boneless pieces of fish were lightly battered and fried with a heap of chili, garlic, lime leaves, and other Thai herbs. The seasoning on the fish was delicious and it could not have been improved under any circumstances. The papaya salad is something that I order at every Thai place I ever walk into, unconditionally as a litmus test of the restaurant. I order it because it is one of the three best salads I have ever tasted in my life, and more importantly, because it is an exceedingly healthy salad prepared with no animal fat, fresh vegetables, tasty dressing, and a ton of dried red and fresh Thai chilies. The version of papaya salad prepared by the wonderful cooks in the kitchen here deserves a standing ovation. It is a perfect blend of chilies, fish sauce, sugar, lime, garlic, tomatoes, green bean, salty dried shrimp, peanut, and crispy green papaya. It was a nice big portion and I could have easily eaten another order it was so good. "Oh, I can't possibly eat spaghetti. I'm not even Italian." Even though I have been eating it since 1984, I love Pad Thai. I can't stand it when phoney high-brow, luxury loft-dwelling, ten course tasting menu eating fucks declare that they are too sophisticated to order Pad Thai. For all you people that are too good to eat Pad Thai out there, it does not make you a better and more interesting person. So fuck you. The Pad Thai here is easily as good as anything I tasted at Melisse at a fraction of the cost, not as good as the Pad Thai KK at Yai Hollywood which is the best version EVER, but gourmet and worthy of five Yelp stars. Eating this great dinner at Hollywood Thai was as good as food gets for sure.

Japanese Colonialism through imperial curry restaurant chains

Curry House Categories: Japanese, Asian Fusion Neighborhood: Koreatown 621 S Western Ave Los Angeles, CA 90005 (213) 487-7180 When you start thinking about how the Japanese treated Korea last century, you realize it takes a great pair of balls to open a Japanese chain restaurant in the heart of Koreatown. It is kind of like opening up a Munich-style beer garden featuring live German music next to Nate and Al's or a Turkish Bathhouse in Downtown Glendale. Additionally, despite the rape of Manchuria, there is also a bustling location in Alhambra. In addition to being a historically fierce and warlike people, the Japanese have perfected curry sauce. And the panko-breaded, deep-fried chicken cutlet. The most popular brand of curry in the world is S&B Brand. It has been manufactured in Japan since 1926 and are the suppliers of curry powder to the Curry House. The chain is pretty consistent, and the food I got the other night tasted exactly as the first time I ordered it at the Little Tokyo Branch over 20 years ago though the prices have trebled. I got the chicken cutlet extra hot and upgraded to a large portion. Deceptively simple looking, you take a few bites of this dish and instantly understand why in a sea of competition, Curry House is the undisputed master of this dish. I probably won't eat here again for another dozen years or so because I make the mix at home, but for a chain restaurant, I really enjoy the food here.

I support the overthrow of the Pig-fucking Saudi Monarchy

Aramco Services Co Neighborhood: Galleria/Uptown 2323 McCue Rd Houston, TX 77056 (713) 621-5404 I recently contacted Aramco Services Co. and subscribed to the beautiful free magazine entitled Aramco World Magazine. I don't know if I mentioned that the magazine is absolutely beautiful, and has an array of stunning photographs of the Persian Gulf with an emphasis on Saudi Arabia. The mission statement of the magazine is to educate the Western reader about the Arab World and the religion of Islam. The Saudis are incidentally the custodians of the two holiest sites of Islam, the cities of Mecca and Medina. Their government is a Monarchy, and they are in the unique position of sitting on the largest oil reserves in the world. The price is only increasing and the royal family is only getting richer. That is why they can afford to publish this lovely magazine and send it to subscribers like me free of charge. That is why they can get the District Attorney of Orange County to drop felony kidnapping and slavery charges when the Defendant is a Saudi Princess. That is why they can repress the Shiites with violence who traditionally come from the most oil rich regions of the country. That is why they can arm and fund Al Nusra, the Taliban, and any country that attacks the Indians. They can and do arm groups that inevitably will turn their weapons on Americans. But they don't talk about any of these things in their magazine. They don't talk about how many people in the Kingdom who are executed by beheading every year, nor about the people who have their right hands amputated because they stole something. They don't mention jihad. Along with the United States and Israel, Saudi Arabia forms the third nation in the Axis of Troublemakers. The United States Government and the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia have an unwritten agreement where we buy their oil in exchange for propping up their corrupt regime. I feel it is high time to rethink our relationship with these infidel thugs, stop selling them weapons, and stop purchasing their oil. Capital punishment is never a good idea, especially by beheading. I think if Americans really knew what this country was up to, they would probably start taking the bus.

Dal Rae not the Del Rey

Dal Rae Restaurant Categories: Steakhouses, American (Traditional) 10/1/2013 1 check-in here It was recently my eight year wedding anniversary and my wife declared that she was not having any Thai food. There she was barking orders at me to shower and put on something other than exercise clothes and take her to The Lobster. "How's about the Dal Rae?", I said. She likes the Dal Rae. The Dal Rae would be fine. I told her we would go after traffic died down a little, and got there at around 8. The Del Rae evoked memories of Continental restaurants that a few decades ago were a dime a dozen but have all but disappeared from the landscape and replaced with multiple fast food outlets and pretentious nouvelle turds. You are going to remember things from way, way out of the past such as dim lighting, cold salad forks, a relish tray on ice, and a captain walking around inquiring about how your special dinner is going. The only thing missing was the piano player. The menu is also a throwback to the past as well. Caviar, Sand Dabs, Rack of Lamb, Chateaubriand for two, Steak Dianne, and all those other old warhorses are all still served here. Lobster Thermidor and Cherries Jubilee on a menu these days are almost as rare as unshaven bush. Relish tray superb. Cold water. No strange looks when I said I was not having alcohol for dinner. Garlic cheese bread, another throwback to the 1950's was artery clogging nirvana. The iceberg wedge with blue cheese dressing served here makes you wonder who decided to get cute and put bacon and other monstrosities on this great salad. It is just lettuce, perfectly crispy and chilled with flawless blue cheese dressing on a cold plate. With a cold fork. Freshly cracked black pepper. My wife, the vegetarian, ordered the pepper steak and asked me if I wanted a taste. For a brief moment, I was back in 1981 at the Chinatown Velvet Turtle sitting there across from my dad high on Quaaludes with my Dutch Boy haircut, braces, and checkered Vans eating the best pepper steak ever! The garlic mashed potatoes had way too much garlic. It was a very good steak. This is the place to go if you want to be romantic. It was as if somebody flipped a switch in my wife's brain that suddenly made her think I was a real Don Juan for taking her here. I ordered Halibut ala Ben with a parmesan crust, lemon butter sauce, and caramelized onions on top. It was a great big portion of very fresh fish cooked perfectly. The baked potato that came with the halibut was really good, and the waitresses opened the potato and mixed it with butter, salt, sour cream, and chives at the table. And it came with asparagus, too. Even if you are of above-average weight and girth, it is a lot of food. Where the fuck is Pico Rivera? It is a lower-middle class community between the 5 and the 605 in a land where men once had jobs in the aerospace industry and dignity, and where you could still get away with drinking three martinis for lunch and driving back to work drunk in your Buick Electra without any consequences.

More About CicLAvia

I applaud this event which proves that people can be drunk, civil and good to each other on two wheels. It builds a sense of community among Angelenos, promotes health and fitness, and advocates a clean environment. These are things we can all agree on. In Los Angeles before the automobile, a lot of people assume that things must have been really easy and environmentally friendly. But that was not the case at all. People's horses urinated and defecated in the dirt streets of Downtown and when it rained, this mixed with the mud and, according to most sources, it smelled pretty foul down there. Men and women wore boots and had to scrape the horseshit off using the high curbs on the sidewalk. It was not very pleasant. I advocate a car-free Downtown Los Angeles and support many major streets being closed to private motorized vehicles. Now that we have technology that is cleaner than both cars and horses, it is high time that we stop getting drunk on oil every single day and directly supporting repressive dictatorships like the Saudis by purchasing their petroleum. CicLAvia reminds me of how much nicer things would be in this great city with the absence of private vehicles. Bicycle and pedestrian access should be facilitated at least to the extent that it is in Amsterdam, and a people mover or a street car should be readily accessible in most areas of Los Angeles County to reduce congestion, pollution, property damage, and bodily injury caused by motor vehicles.

CicLAvia

CicLAvia restores my faith in humanity. I put the words Los Angeles into an anagram generator and out of 742 words, these are my favorite: Legal Noses, Angels Lose, Eel Slogans, No Leg Sales, All Sense Go, and Long Ass Eel. While this has little to do with CicLAvia, I came yesterday from K-town and rode to Mariachi Plaza in Boyle Heights and back. The event was just splendid! The perfect way to spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It makes me wonder why we cannot set up Downtown and K-Town more like Amsterdam.

Smoke House Joke House

Smoke House Restaurant 4420 W Lakeside Dr Burbank, CA 91505 (818) 845-3731 TV writers generally suffer from severe, life threatening alcoholism, and for many years, the bartenders at the Smoke House Restaurant have been across the street ready to postpone a viscous case of the DT's and steady those hands before, during, and after work. (If you know of a TV writer who writes prime time shit sober, then their children should kill them in their sleep.) On Sunday, you can re-enact a Roman food orgy and eat slice after slice of prime rib, unlimited cheese toast, sparkling wine, and Eggs Benedict until you have to loosen your girdle and take a nap, rolling over on your side so that you don't choke on your own vomit. All in a woodsy, red-leather booth filled room from the mid-1960's.

First City Credit Union Category: Banks & Credit Unions Neighborhood: Downtown 717 W Temple Street Los Angeles, CA 90012 (213) 482-3477 The first thing that you will notice here is that all of the tellers and managers move at a snail's pace. Opening up an account here is like checking out groceries at the Piggly Wiggly on the hottest day of the year in Memphis, except there is going to be no friendly small talk or Southern charm. It is going to take at least two minutes for the lady to get up out of her steel reinforced desk chair and waddle up to the counter to ask if she can help you but behind those eyes is really thinking that she would like to smack your boney honkey ass for making her get up. But if you don't care to open up an account here, the fee to cash a check issued by an account holder from this miserable, money grubbing institution is $10.00. I never reveal my current bank because I play a shell game with judgement creditors, but my current bank meets all of my needs with friendliness and exceptional skill. I would only return here to deposit a turd in the lobby. The parking attendant was exceedingly cool. He was the only redeeming thing about my experience here.