Phillip's BBQ Motherfucker

I think Phillip's pork ribs, links, and rib tips are the best I have tasted in Los Angeles. I lived in Houston for a short while, and can verify that Phillip can hold his own (Phillip is from Louisiana). The beans are good, but I don't come here for the sides. I take the meat home, and we make our own potato salad and coleslaw.

The pork ribs with the HOT SAUCE (with whole arbol chilies in the sauce) are so good that I could just keep eating until the entire rack is gone. You can go ahead and pour the sauce directly in my mouth. The pork ribs are smoky all the way to the bone, trimmed of excess fat and seasoned with plain salt and pepper to highlight the goodness of the meat. The sliced beef links and are a bit grainy, have a nice kick to them, and are wonderful smothered in the (HOT) sauce and scooped up with a piece of plain white bread and helped down with some strong, cold IPA. I used to drink Rainer Ale with this at one time.

I have been buying meat here for many years and it is not the slightest bit sketchy, and it is not in the "ghetto". The location on Crenshaw and Adams used to be Leo's, but now that Phillip took it over, the quality is A+ #1! I just dare you not to eat a rib on the way home. I double dog dare you!

Miso Careful- Maison Akira Pasadena, CA

Dinner here was wonderful and the chef exceedingly talented, but classically uptight Japanese with an I have to be too careful mentality. I enjoyed most of the courses brought to the table for the Epicurean Menu, but they were a touch restrained for my palate. The amuse bouche was just cock awful, reminiscent of something they try to deal free samples of at Trader Joe's. It was like a piece of bland chicken sausage on top of shredded iceberg lettuce with plum sauce on top. I was happy that it was not a harbinger of what was to come.

The next course was dashi poached shrimp with a green vegetable puree with a hint of yuzu, smoked salt, sweet black beans, and pickled carrots. This plate was almost too pretty to eat, but I got over that and after finishing it off, I thought that something was missing. The freshness of the ingredients was evident in this and every other dish of the evening, but I did not consider it to be outstanding. Competent, restrained, neutered, perhaps?

So this guy fed emperor Akahito his signature seabass. How fucking special. I would have been more impressed if he had served it to Idi Amin, or maybe Kim Jung Il. I did like the fish very much. The miso marinade was out of this world good, and the fish oily and perfectly cooked, all two (2) ounces of it. The couscous that it was placed on top was as boring as sitting through the last five minutes of an elementary school day. I am sure this guy could pull something out of his toque that was a little more imaginative to substitute for the couscous.

The foie gras with stewed daikon, pear, and potato crisps (at least I think those were potatoes) was flawless. I have a perfect solution for people who think it is cruel to eat this substance-go mind your own fucking business and don't eat it. That Lance Armstrong has a lot of ball starting fights over foie gras, I tell you.

I opted to spend an extra $10.00 to upgrade to the Kobe (Snake River Farms) 6oz. New York. and would suggest that you do the same. It had a Cabernet demi reduction that we have all eaten a million times before, but Akira makes this dish shine. Comes with restrained vegetables. If you order this cooked higher than rare, then I am going to resort to name calling.

The sorrel soup. This was not something I would have on the menu if I ruled the world.

Flourless chocolate cake and espresso ice cream exceeded my wildest expectations. Bravo!

My wife ordered escargots, crab flan special with grilled eggplant and tomato, wine, more wine, a Mexican shrimp mushroom dish, a salad with pears and walnuts, and a kir royale. She particularly enjoyed everything. I think more than I did.

Finally... the service. I don't really dine out for the service personally, but it was spotty here. Friendly, but spotty.

Sam's Hofbrau - A Nice Place to Lose a Leg or Two or Three

Having worked in the Pico Union neighborhood for the past fifteen years, I had often wondered where all of the street prostitutes working James M. Wood Blvd. went to retire. Well, after discovering Sam's Hofbrau, I finally found my answer. I find the sex industry to be pretty repulsive. Once you have seen one trashy skank that smells like tobacco smoke, rancid panocha, alcohol, and halitosis you have seen em all. But this is more than a puke-stained club filled with defective sex workers. It is a monument to filth and bad taste that serves up cheap beer, BBQ beef sandwiches, chili dogs, and haunting images that your mind will never erase. Violence can easily break out at this place. Be cautious. Alas, I am not daring enough to eat here. Sam, you have an odd sense of humor, but I likes you anyway.

El Parian and Corn Tortilla Art

This restaurant is the closest you will get in LA to a typical Mexican lunch joint in Jalisco, where my lovely wife happens to be from. My office is around the corner, and I can tell you that in the 10+ years I have been eating here, the quality has been consistently wonderful, the waitresses and owners friendly, and the beer ice-cold. When you walk in, take a look at that woman making corn tortillas from scratch. Those tortillas are going to arrive at your table piping hot, ready to be rolled up with beef, pork or goat just like at the real El Parian restaurant in Tlaqepaque, Jalisco. And the food is just as good! I think it is most appropriate to begin with the goat, or birria del chivo, because it is hands down, the best dish on the menu. The full order is not too much, and it is possible to tell the waitress what part of the goat you want just like in Mexico. I like the rack and ribs myself, and usually order it with the consomme on the side. The goat is slow cooked in the oven, smothered in chili and garlic, and basted with the pan juices. It has a more pronounced flavor than lamb, somewhat more gamy, but just delicious. Because of my middle age and concerns about my health, I try to eat red meat a couple of times a month at most. Funny, even though I can afford a prime dry aged steak at Nick and Stef's, I would prefer a serving of goat from here any day of the week. I scoop up the meat in a homemade corn tortilla, put a little of the vinegar-based chili sauce and onions on top, and dip it in the consomme. It is awesome and they will bring you endless consomme. I do wish they had the cabeza del chivo, but no luck so far.

The asada plate is a nice piece of marinated strip steak cooked on the charbroiler to order served with beans, rice, and pico de gallo. It is a delicious piece of meat, and is enough for 2 people as a main course. I think that you should order it medium well. It is enough for at least ten tacos. Top quality indeed.

Carnitas are competent, but at times a bit greasy. One full order is huge and my only complaint would be that they don't have the entire pig, it is just the shoulder or the leg. I like the trompa, lengua, costillas, and cuerito. They don't have it here, but if you like carnitas, these ones kick ass. They are crispy, and well seasoned and one order gets you 10 tacos. It is a good deal.

Finally, if you are into menudo and pozole, the ones here are just like your Mexican mother in law makes every time there is a party. The menudo is Jalisco style, meaning no hominy. Order it con pata, and they will put a pig's foot in your bowl. Highly recommended. Pozole will come with tostadas and vegetables, and is loaded with meat.

They will serve you as much beer as you want unless you act like an asshole. I suggest that you have a bottle of ice-cold Bohemia in your hand for the entire meal. It makes me truly happy to see non-Spanish speaking people eating here instead of El Torito and other places where the cooks shit on a plate and call it Mexican food.

Wholesale Bro Fish - LA Fish Company 4th and Stanford

I feel very sorry for this company given that a large portion of their wonderful seafood used to come from Japan. But as the other reviews attest, this is one of the finest places for any great chef who knows their FRESH seafood. How fresh is the fish? Pretty fucking fresh. It is because of the confidence they have in the freshness of their product that it is all there on ice for you to inspect, smell, feel, and buy.

Having worked at a Japanese restaurant for a few years, I am readily familiar with selecting fresh seafood. You are going to want to look at the eyes, gills, and the color. You are going to want to pick up the fish, if possible, and smell it. If you know nothing about fish, the excellent staff here will be happy to assist you.

This is a wonderful place to bring your well behaved children who are interested in cooking. It is truly exciting to see a 200 LB Tuna on the cutting board and something that I would have given an eye tooth for as a child. Keep in mind, though, that this is primarily a commercial place, so don't bring your kids if they are little shit asses.

I usually purchase Pacific fish from the closest place possible. Some of my favorites include the various rockfish species, corvina from Santa Barbara and the Channel Islands, Scorpion Fish, California Halibut, Albacore, Mahi Mahi,. and Yellowtail. I have never been disappointed here.

When you come in, they will tell you what species of fish are on the ice and invite you to inspect them. There is also a white board in the first room with all the processed fish and frozen seafood in stock and the prices. There is a price/product list on the internet or available at the window. When you are ready, tell the guy what you want and have him cut it for you if you wish. Then go to the window and pay. Your stuff will be placed in a box with ice for the ride home. Keep in mind that you have to buy the whole fish. They will not sell you a pound or two unless you get filets.

The Salvadorean Contribution to World Cuisine

I bet a lot of people go to eat at Salvadorean Restaurants because they may sound exotic. Sadly, the Salvadorean contribution to world cuisine, the pupusa, is a tasteless hockey puck of griddle cooked masa with cheese and pork skin that could easily be used to fill a pothole. A good pupusa is not even as good as a bad homemade tortilla! I have been to El Salvador previously, and if you are at Playa La Libertad ordering fish and lobster fresh out of the water and washing it down with cold Supremas, you are eating the very best food available in this little country. The comida tipica, which you will get at El Migueleno and most other Salvadorean restaurants however, is terribly bland and disappointing. A typical Salvadorean meal consists of lard fried plantains, refried black beans, cream, pupusas, curtido and some Pollo Campero if you are lucky. It is a nice meal, I suppose, if you have to fuel up for the day. I could go on and on about how bad the food is, and how bad it is in most of Central America in general, but at least the beer is cold and the people are wonderful.

Finally, while I jest about Salvadorean food, I feel that the people of El Salvador are fantastic and courageous and feel that Los Angeles is lucky that so many people from El Salvador have come here over the years. Overwhelmingly, the Salvadorean people that I have met are friendly, hard working, resilient, tolerant, and gracious. They are also very brave and have overcome civil war which testifies to that courage. I have visited El Salvador, and can attest that the places that I went were unforgettable. I reject any talk of racism towards my Salvadorean brothers and sisters and I am only poking gentle fun at the pupusa.

Polygamist Pussy and Picking the Park Clean

This morning, I went for a run in Griffith Park and during my descent, I encountered a group of 400 Mormons in the picnic area near Ferndale. They were all preparing to remove litter from our beloved park. It was really touching to me. Bless them. I don't see too many other groups of any kind organizing to clean the pizza boxes, cigarette butts, plastic bottles and dog shit off these magnificent trails in this oasis from the boobery of Los Angeles proper. But in addition to giving a helping hand to a park in need, I can attest that the Mormon neighbors that I have had were all stand up people. This country was founded by three groups of people: convicts, religious malcontents, and people who had pretty much burned things out in their countries of origin or enslaved by them. Every time I hear someone say something negative about Romney and or the Mormons, may I remind you that the talking snake in Genesis is equally strange as anything that the Mormons or any other religious group believes. Don't call the kettle black. Also, it may do you some good to abstain from alcohol periodically. And tobacco. And it might also be a good idea to have some real family time. Maybe you too could set aside some time with your wives and have a rad four-way. And maybe your church, temple or mosque could go clean up our park once in a while.