Los Angeles County District Attorney

The District Attorney prosecutes felonies throughout the County and misdemeanor cases in un-incorporated areas of Los Angeles County. They do not help baby's mamas collect support any longer. Our very first District Attorney was named Will Ferrell and the last one was a raging alcoholic with the complexion of an orange peel by the name of Steve Cooley. I would like to give Jackie Lacey the benefit of the doubt, but you have to acknowledge that she came up in this terrible organization. Any African American who works for the District Attorney is a motherfucking tom. I started paying attention to this office when Ira Reiner was at the helm trying to make headlines with the sensational (bogus) Mc Martin Pre School case in the 80's. Fast forward to Garcetti losing the OJ trial. At around this time, I gained access to a constantly changing treasure trove of official documents that have given me a unique perspective on this office. The names Van de Kaamp and Philbosian sound vaguely familiar. I have noticed that the attorneys that work here have some serious ethical shortcomings. It is the policy of this office to withhold exculpatory evidence from criminal defendants and it is condoned and encouraged at the management level. Lacey seems to have acknowledged this from the outset. I commend her for it but it is too little, too late. The Public has already lost faith. Forgery and perjury are the order of the day. Many of the deputies are the type of people who would trample over your body in a disaster to save their own skin. When the largest open air drug market in town is located adjacent to Parker Center and with the tally of murders in Los Angeles currently at 355 (as of 8/5/12), it is clear there is a crime problem. Much attention is focused on corruption in the LAPD and the LASD but most of their employees are clearly decent individuals who do a decent job. The DA's office is permeated with a culture of filth like the Catholic Church is permeated with pederasts.

Hayat's Kitchen

The kitchen here puts out some perfect meza that really stands out in an area saturated with Lebanese and Armenian places. From the moment that they set the pickled turnips, cucumbers and olives on the table to the time they served the complimentary baklava, everything we tasted was of the highest quality, made with the freshest ingredients, and seasoned so perfectly that I would not dream of adding a single thing. And when you eat this food, I promise you that you will not feel poisoned and bloated afterwords. If the old adage you are what you eat is true, I would rather be a plate of meza than one of those cows sitting in the Harris Ranch feed lot off the 5FWY. The vegetarian combination was a very generous platter of the usual suspects like falafel, baba ganoush, taboulleh, dolma. and hummus but all of these dishes were outstanding on their own. The falafel here is particularly delicious, crispy and redolent with extra cumin. The baba smokey, creamy, and tart simultaneously was very memorable. I very much liked the taboulleh, as well. We also ordered a fresh and simple cabbage salad that was spot on as well. The mousaka was more subtle than the version that I am accustomed to and contained a fair amount of garbanzo beans. This delicately flavored dish is just awesome. The fries with garlic, cilantro, dipped in garlic sauce and ketchup are what garlic fries at most places only dream of being. Of course the fries are hand cut and served sizzling hot the way god intended them to be served. There is enough garlic on top even for a Thai person or a Mexican to be more than happy. The server made both of us feel welcome, and was very attentive without being cloying. The two pieces of buttery baklava they gave us kicked ass. My wife wanted to take some home, but I told her not to bother because I know we will be coming back very soon.

Mormon Underwear

This morning, I went for a run in Griffith Park and during my descent, I encountered a group of 400 Mormons in the picnic area near Ferndale. They were all preparing to remove litter from our beloved park. It was really touching to me. Bless them. I don't see too many other groups of any kind organizing to clean the pizza boxes, cigarette butts, plastic bottles and dog shit off these magnificent trails in this oasis from the boobery of Los Angeles proper. But in addition to giving a helping hand to a park in need, I can attest that the Mormon neighbors that I have had were all stand up people. This country was founded by three groups of people: convicts, religious malcontents, and people who had pretty much burned things out in their countries of origin or enslaved by them. Every time I hear someone say something negative about Romney and or the Mormons, may I remind you that the talking snake in Genesis is equally strange as anything that the Mormons or any other religious group believes. Don't call the kettle black. Also, it may do you some good to abstain from alcohol periodically. And tobacco. And it might also be a good idea to have some real family time. Maybe you too could set aside some time with your wives and have a rad four-way. And maybe your church, temple or mosque could go clean up our park once in a while.

Self Realization Fellowship

This is a beautiful place that welcomes all free of charge. You can walk around the lake and stop at shrines dedicated to the great religions of the world. You can feed the giant koi and enjoy the flowers if prayer, pederasty, chanting, compassion, Wahabbism or immaculate conception are not your thing. My 6th grade teacher Sally Lew took our class on a field trip here about fifty years ago and this was one of the first places I drove to when I got my license. My great friend Tracy and her awesome husband were married here a decade ago. My fondest wish and desire would be to demolish all the buildings in the Santa Monica Mountains except this one. The mountains are sacred, and this place conforms to the uniform sacred code. Bring some lunch here for a picnic you will never forget. People thought this was:

Humboldt County

If you like to hike in some of the most beautiful forest left remaining in the world, hunt, fish, camp, and smoke some world class buds, then you have reached Nirvana. There are some places here that will give you a religious experience, and other places like Eureka that will not. The little towns all seem to have distinct personalities. Some of these places are not too hippie friendly, though a few of them are. My brother attended Humboldt State University, so I had a pretty good introduction to the place, but keep finding new treasures each time I visit. Besides the Redwoods, you can visit the Mad, Mattole, and Eel Rivers, the coast, and several hundred miles of hiking trails from Honeydew and Shelter Cove up to the Del Norte County line and east all the way to the Trinity Alps. It is truly a sportsman's paradise, one of those places where there are plenty of deer to shoot, along with abundant steelhead and bottom fish to hook. Most people will find it difficult to become gainfully employed up there.

Baja Fish

Personally, I wish I could flip a switch and make the South Bay disappear. I despise everything that Manhattan Beach stands for and many of the people who live there. Give me Pedro over Manhattan, Hermosa or Redondo any day of the week, but all these places suck. There are some good things about Pedro, such as 22nd Strret Landing fishing, and Baja Fish. The Mexican Seafood at this place is competent, fresh, cooked to order, and the price is right. I get the grilled tuna burrito and a cocktail with octopus and shrimp under normal circumstances when I come here. There is a salsa bar, and the sauces are pretty good. I have sampled most of the items on the menu here with the exception of the soups. Every single time I have come here, I have been exceedingly happy with the food. You just order at the counter and you pick up your food when the order is ready. The employees here are friendly and efficient. The freshness of the fish is readily apparent to me when I look at it on the ice in the display case. They offer a great deal on the yellowfin burrito with fresh avocado, rice and beans. You will fill up here for ten bucks a person. It is worth the drive for me!

Ciro's Restaurant: A lot of #1 and #2. Mostly #2.

THE GOOD The beer is cold, the chips and free avocado salsa rock. The salsa roja is hot and tasty. The service here is outstanding. No problems here. There are things that cannot be fucked up here like the flautas, and the chorizo and egg burrito. The flautas here are the gold standard, thin, crisp taquitos with a little bit of shredded beef with avocado salsa, and crema. Unfortunately, they do not compensate for overall poor quality of the food they served to me the last couple of times I came in. THE BAD The quality of the food here is going downhill pretty quick. The steak picado used to be pretty damn good. Not the last couple of times I have been here. Instead of steak, I was served sinew fried with onions and peppers. The cheese in the enchilada plate is not melted. Please put them back in the oven and serve them when they are ready. THE FUGLY Fuck nostalgia when you order a fried taco plate and there is enough grease on the plate to lube your car. The cook here needs to lift the fucking basket up from the deep fryer and drain the lard from the goddamn tacos before he puts them on the plate. This place gets nearly 3 stars, almost as good as El Tepeyac across the street, but not quite.