Friday, November 22, 2013

The Trump International - The Best $100 bucks you are going to spend in Vegas if you hate gambling

After taking a survey in statistics as an undergraduate, I realized the futility of casino gambling. During previous stays in Vegas, I would normally go to the Ritz in Lake Las Vegas about 20 minutes from the strip which did not have a casino either. When it closed, my wife booked rooms at the Signature, and some other hotel which were pretty smelly and you had to walk through their casinos to get to the room elevators. Fortunately, she booked rooms at the Trump this time.
Upon walking in the front door, there was no noticeable odor of cigarette or cigar smoke wafting into my nostrils to form a malignancy somewhere in my body. In addition, there were no drunkards shooting craps, fiddling with cards, or losing their money on other games of chance. The room was about 500sf, located on the 58th floor with a bird's eye view of the strip, and was pretty clean. I turned the sofa around so I could fully enjoy the view. The pool was heated to approximately 80 degrees, and I was the only person using it both days we were there. Top it all off with friendly and helpful hotel employees and I can honestly recommend this hotel.

The Violence of Zankou Chicken

The owner of Zankou Chicken murdered his entire family. And that's a fact, Jack.
If you don't like this place, then I am going to resort to name calling! Zankou fed me as a hungry grad student at UCLA for a handful of change. I usually get the chicken kebab cooked to order (takes 15 minutes) well done, moutabaal instead of hummus, and an order of Tabouleh. It comes with two skewers, rice, and some sliced raw white onion. The garlic sauce is so good, I could smear it on my face. This feast is way more than enough for two fat bitches to share and costs 11 bucks. 11 bucks. Unbafuckingliveable!
The Tarna Plate is seasoned, vertically broiled chicken, which is shaved off with a sharp knife, crisp on the outside and tender on the inside. It comes with hummus or mutabaal, salad, and tahini sauce. It is the best $9.25 meal ever in Los Angeles and they will give you unlimited bread, yellow peppers and pickled turnips with your order. I never got the beef, but my dad swore by it. I was like, What the fuck dad, its not called Zankou Beef. He never even tasted the fucking chicken.
My daughter and I came here all throughout the 90's and it was her very favorite place to eat. It is a great place to take your children, is what I am trying to say. She always got the rotisserie 1/2 chicken plate and the owner would give her a Kit-Kat Bar when we waltzed out of the place. Good Times.
Some of my friends bitch and moan about Zankou but they are just haters. Armenian food is some of the best in the universe.

YMC Lame

I had not been in the Ketchum Downtown YMCA since 2003 or so, and wanted very much to go swimming on a Monday when the Los Angeles City Pools are all closed. So I came in here and asked for a trial membership (I was never gonna join anyway, I just wanted to use the pool) and discovered it was closed. What the fuck are they thinking? Is there a structural problem or something? Since I don't play racket ball, am not into mutual masturbation in the locker room, and would not want to catch someone's germs from a filthy exercise machine, I don't think I will ever return here. Not even to fart in a yoga class.

Union Family Dental and the Dingleberry Dentist

I cracked a tooth this afternoon and was in a great deal of pain within a couple of seconds. I called the office to let them know I was having an emergency and was on my way. I got there moments later and proceed to wait for two hours in excruciating pain. I felt like Dustin Hoffman in the film Marathon Man after Dr. Zell tortured him with dental instruments.
Instead of reading a magazine, I peered out into the parking lot of this place and watched the parade of prostitutes, pimps, cocaine dealers, heroin dealers, cops, johns, and regular people trying to do their laundry. I am telling you, this shopping center would give the Clinton White House a run for its money. No less than a dozen prostitutes working out of here. No less than 20 people milling about, up to no good, and dealing narcotics and crack cocaine. My ex-wife Ann should try and rent an apartment in this neighborhood. A guy in the filthy tenement across the street keeps a vigilant eye out for the cops on the fire escape on the third floor and whistles loudly and makes a clicking sound to warn the scofflaws and strumpets. Every once in a while, a patrol car from the LAPD Keystone Division which is responsible for this area, drives through the parking lot but long after these wily criminals have scurried to the relative safety of the laundromat and the donut shop.
First they took an x-ray. When the dentist finally examined me, I told him that I wanted an injection of novocaine and was willing to pay him any price for said injection. I seriously would have paid him 100 bucks in cash for that fucking shot.
He leaves me in the chair, and then the receptionist tells me to get up and tries to hand me a fucking referral to another dentist. It is already 5:30 mind you, and the place they referred me to was in the process of closing. Still no injection.
After flipping my wig in the office, the guy finally gives me a prescription for Tylenol #3. I promptly got that shit filled and took several of them at once.
I will never return to this place under any circumstances and will use my mom's dentist from now on starting tomorrow. Dr. Suharto was a complete failure as a dentist. He sent me away from his office in a frightening amount of pain without treating my cracked molar. He is a dingleberry among dentists.

Papa Cristo is Super Mario

I really like the food here and Super Mario is a super cool guy. He stocks some really good olives, vinegar, anchovies, olive oil, Greek Provolone, and nice fresh baked bread. Super Mario can also hook you up with a super delicious, tender, well seasoned whole grilled lamb for about $130.00. If you are an alcoholic, you can purchase several varieties of Ouzo here. The food available on the restaurant side is consistent, but not great. It is always better with some of the free roasted Serranos and garlic and some free green olives on the side. I like the lamb chops, the rack of lamb, grilled octopus, and the chicken souvlaki, but tend to think the gyro looks like processed, formed Skippy brand canned dog food. Lamb chops used to be a good deal but are not any longer. Prices for rack of lamb hover between 15-20 bucks. Grocery=4.5 stars Restaurant=solid 3 stars.

Gam Ja Gol - Koreatown Normandie and Olympic

This local K-Town strip mall men's joint has some of the best food in the world served at their humble tables. My family came from New Mexico where they worshiped chilie, pork and garlic just as much as our Korean brothers. My grandma, (may god have mercy on her soul) used to cook up a similar, but inferior pork and red chilie concoction. Her stew was top notch, five star stuff, and her family raised all of their own chilies and hogs. The mixture was served with hominy and called Pozole, or it would grace her perfect tamales. Sometimes she rolled it into a handmade, homemade flour tortilla for the perfect snack.
The Korean grandmother cooking at this place is making it happen! I brought my people from Lebanon, Greece, and Mexico here tonight, and they all compared it to their grandmother's food too. The panchan is good, nothing to write home to Dear Leader about, but respectable still. The Jap Chae was exemplary, and I wanted refill after refill of this great sesame flavored noodle dish fit for a chubby dictator in an army tunic and his favorite son.
The Pork Neck and Potato stew is the thing to get here, but I have never ordered anything else. The large for 4 people (enough for 6) is priced at a reasonable 34.99 and comes to your table in a bubbling cauldron with whole shiso leaves on top. It has some whole mustard seed in there too. There are pieces of pork backbone cooked so the meat be falling off the bone along with boiled potatoes in a deep rich red chilie broth. Wooooo Weeeee! That's what I'm talking about! It has the best chilie flavor that permeates everything, and leaves you licking your fingers. Just when you think that the meal is over, the waiter takes your leftovers and makes pan fried rice for your lunch tomorrow with sesame oil on top.
I think Korean food is the stuff my dreams are made of! The food of Korea is some of the most well thought out food of all mankind. This is some kick ass, filling homemade food that will warm your soul.

Why I hate the New York Times

This review telling you that this paper sucks is based on the recent New York Times puff piece by Jo Becker and Scott Shane entitled: "Secret 'Kill List' Proves a Test of Obama's Principles and Will" and another cream-filled piece in which they saluted the executioner in chief for launching an act of war against Iran. Cyberwar, but war nonetheless. Extrajudicial execution is just a bad idea. Period. You do something like that to someone and they spend the rest of their lives plotting to do the same to you. At some point, all of that hate gets hard to control. The drone strikes should not be glorified by any newspaper in this country. Declaring an illegal war against another country is a bad idea. Period. It too should not be glorified by any newspaper in this country. It is enough to gag a maggot. Especially when presenting Obama as a particularly moral man, who devotes himself to the "just war" writings of religious figures like Thomas Aquinas and St Augustine. Are you fucking kidding me people? Thomas Aquinas? St. Augustine? People who think about war as just are just assholes. Anyone who makes a kill list and then gets a robot to do it is a fucking coward. I think it is time to start putting nails back in the coffin of the military industrial complex not promoting its expansion.
I have some news for you assholes over there at the Times. The world is not a fucking videogame and America does not have special powers.
Clearly this paper has no balls. What kind of brainless chickenshit warmongering articles are these? I would expect jingoist drivel like this from a paper like the Rodong Simun, but am kind of disgusted that it is being printed here in what many consider to be the "best print newspaper in existence". I used to recommend this paper to a ton of people in the library. I will now recommend it only to wrap up fish and chips.