More About CicLAvia

I applaud this event which proves that people can be drunk, civil and good to each other on two wheels. It builds a sense of community among Angelenos, promotes health and fitness, and advocates a clean environment. These are things we can all agree on. In Los Angeles before the automobile, a lot of people assume that things must have been really easy and environmentally friendly. But that was not the case at all. People's horses urinated and defecated in the dirt streets of Downtown and when it rained, this mixed with the mud and, according to most sources, it smelled pretty foul down there. Men and women wore boots and had to scrape the horseshit off using the high curbs on the sidewalk. It was not very pleasant. I advocate a car-free Downtown Los Angeles and support many major streets being closed to private motorized vehicles. Now that we have technology that is cleaner than both cars and horses, it is high time that we stop getting drunk on oil every single day and directly supporting repressive dictatorships like the Saudis by purchasing their petroleum. CicLAvia reminds me of how much nicer things would be in this great city with the absence of private vehicles. Bicycle and pedestrian access should be facilitated at least to the extent that it is in Amsterdam, and a people mover or a street car should be readily accessible in most areas of Los Angeles County to reduce congestion, pollution, property damage, and bodily injury caused by motor vehicles.

CicLAvia

CicLAvia restores my faith in humanity. I put the words Los Angeles into an anagram generator and out of 742 words, these are my favorite: Legal Noses, Angels Lose, Eel Slogans, No Leg Sales, All Sense Go, and Long Ass Eel. While this has little to do with CicLAvia, I came yesterday from K-town and rode to Mariachi Plaza in Boyle Heights and back. The event was just splendid! The perfect way to spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon. It makes me wonder why we cannot set up Downtown and K-Town more like Amsterdam.

Smoke House Joke House

Smoke House Restaurant 4420 W Lakeside Dr Burbank, CA 91505 (818) 845-3731 TV writers generally suffer from severe, life threatening alcoholism, and for many years, the bartenders at the Smoke House Restaurant have been across the street ready to postpone a viscous case of the DT's and steady those hands before, during, and after work. (If you know of a TV writer who writes prime time shit sober, then their children should kill them in their sleep.) On Sunday, you can re-enact a Roman food orgy and eat slice after slice of prime rib, unlimited cheese toast, sparkling wine, and Eggs Benedict until you have to loosen your girdle and take a nap, rolling over on your side so that you don't choke on your own vomit. All in a woodsy, red-leather booth filled room from the mid-1960's.

First City Credit Union Category: Banks & Credit Unions Neighborhood: Downtown 717 W Temple Street Los Angeles, CA 90012 (213) 482-3477 The first thing that you will notice here is that all of the tellers and managers move at a snail's pace. Opening up an account here is like checking out groceries at the Piggly Wiggly on the hottest day of the year in Memphis, except there is going to be no friendly small talk or Southern charm. It is going to take at least two minutes for the lady to get up out of her steel reinforced desk chair and waddle up to the counter to ask if she can help you but behind those eyes is really thinking that she would like to smack your boney honkey ass for making her get up. But if you don't care to open up an account here, the fee to cash a check issued by an account holder from this miserable, money grubbing institution is $10.00. I never reveal my current bank because I play a shell game with judgement creditors, but my current bank meets all of my needs with friendliness and exceptional skill. I would only return here to deposit a turd in the lobby. The parking attendant was exceedingly cool. He was the only redeeming thing about my experience here.

I have been frequenting Topanga State Park at night this past week. Partly due to the oppressive heat, but additionally because I am fascinated with all of the nocturnal animals that seem to come out and greet me on the trail. Unfortunately, my only camera is connected to my I-Phone, so there is no way that I can adjust it to a night setting. I would have very much liked a picture of the large male Great Horned Owl I saw on top of a yucca stalk on Thursday night.

Knott's Berry Farm

From a thrill ride standpoint, Knott's Berry farm sucks and it just does not make any sense that the same company owns Cedar Point. Cedar Point is like the Mecca and Medina of roller coasters and thrill rides. There are some problems with Knott's that cannot be overcome. The small size is perhaps the greatest liability, and if they really wanted to be contenders, Knott's would have to be six or seven times larger. I wonder if they keep statistics on people who shit in their pants on rides here. I am sure that it happens less than at Cedar Point. But after all is said and done, Knott's feels cheap and run down. It reminded me of the Pike but instead of filthy dirtbags running the place, it is staffed by friendly pimply-faced adolescents who seem ill suited to operate such high, fast, swinging machinery and even less suited to administer first aid if the shit ever hit the fan. I saw an aspiring actress in a Linus costume walking around and interacting with the guests get beaten down by a drunken hick. I guess he must have thought that there was a dude in there or something. My friend played Briar Bear at Disneyland in the early 1980's and said that adults and children alike were always walking up to him and kicking him in the nuts. He soon got tired of that, whacked the person, and was immediately fired for Un-Disneylike behavior. He told me that there was an entire network of tunnels underneath Disneyland designed to shuttle garbage out of the park away from the eyes of guests. I hate Disneyland. I would only return at gunpoint. The Accelerator is a high speed roller coaster that is supposed to go from 0-90 in a few short seconds and go up and down a vertical section of track in no time flat. The cable underneath the ride snapped and ripped through the fiberglass front of the passenger car and came dangerously close to severing on of the guy's feet in the front row before aborting and closing for the evening. Take a look at the picture I posted and look at what a close call that was.

The suspended roller coaster Silver Bullet was a fun ride similar to the Ninja coaster at Six Flags but without the advantage of being built into a hill. The ride was smooth but had some pickup. I liked it better in the evening than in the afternoon sun. Ghostrider is a nice looking coaster and has a great first drop, but is jerky as all hell. It is one of those rides that has a few surprises, but due to the feeling that you are in a slam pit, makes you reluctant to ride more than once.

Boomerang, although it has been pieced together from a couple of older coasters including the Corkscrew has some things going for it, but in comparison to Six Flags, it is total amateur hour.

The animatronic men in the log ride looked like exact replicas of the meth heads hanging out in front of those filthy motels lining Beach Blvd. cooking their stuff up in the bathroom using either the "Nazi" method or the "Shake and Bake" process. If one of those guys were programmed to open the blinds up in room 203 repeatedly to see if the coast is clear, your eye could not tell him from a real man. The best ride in the park was this swinging contraption that hurls riders over a water fountain and spins the fuck out of them. I felt safe knowing that the ride was manufactured in Germany in a factory without one-armed men and guest workers.

Buena Park and neighboring Stanton may very well be the anus of Southern California and have little going for them except funnel cake, meth, Thai Nakorn, and the freeway out. This area is just filthy. There is a motel called Chester's Motel on Beach Blvd. across the street from a strip club and and a Taco Bell. Mrs. Knott has been poisoning people with her shitty chicken dinner for a whole century but now its gonna cost you a hundred bucks. You can also roll the dice at Pink's where you have a greater than one in six chance of getting food poisoning and soiled drawers on the log ride. Finally, as if that is not enough, there is a Cinnabon.

Photos of Baldy